Goodbye 2011!!

This year has taught me so much..I don't even know if I could begin to remember everything. January was a scary month for me cause that's when we almost lost our house, my mom was in an accident the day before new year's eve, and my dad's car broke down the first of january..then our basement flooded..I started to lose my best friend at the time..and things were just crazy. I don't really remember much from Feb other than some drama going on but March was good cause I finally decided to take the step of baptism and came closer to my brother..april I pierced my own ears haha and basically just easter and that's around the time when I told the guy that I like what he meant to me..right before he left for 6 months. and then may was the 2 weddings that I did, my dad's birthday and I forget what else. June was when my old school closed down and I finally ended something that I've needed to for a long time..and I'm sure other things happened..July I got to see my aunt, thought I had another best friend, birthdays, camp, creation, and the like. August I went to Seattle a lot and then met someone that i thought would be good for me but then it turned out not to work. Sept was when the guy I like came back home and I forget what else..October was a hard month cause both my brothers attempted suicide and that was around the time when I found out that my cousin, mentor, and youth pastor are all leaving in jan. November was fun cause my aunt came for thanksgiving and I got to go to a concert with my old youth group and see my youth pastor. Dec was a fun month too though really hard cause I had to say goodbye to my cousin and saw my youth pastor and mentor one last time..then had the best Christmas ever with my Grandma from Seattle and Uncle from Cali..I am so so blessed. I also got a medical issue that I've had 3 years ago almost exact to the week//and drama issues that I really shouldn't have gotten myself into. I would say that I learned a lot from it cause I'm never going to do that again. It was a weird year cause I finally found my own church..my parent's pastor and his wife left, and a lot of people that are close to me are leaving so next year looks scary. It was also the year that I think I've lost the most friends since Sr year of high school and both the girls that I thought were my best friends really turned out not to be so that was definitely disappointing, but God brought someone else into my life that I would definitely say is my best friend and I feel so blessed to have her in my life!!
As for the end of the year... I was invited to a party with my college group but I'm still feeling ill and on my meds so its going to be interesting. People are being interesting so tonight has been kind of emotional. I finally turned on my phone and found out that the plans I wanted to work out for tomorrow basically fell through so I've been pretty sad about it since tomorrow is maybe the last real chance I get to see this man that is so special to me. It's hard cause in some ways I think I've been letting it ruin my night, I've not been in a good mood and definitely short with people..but that's not how i want it to be. Its a good thing that tomorrow I also get to really say goodbye to my youth pastor..I think that will be good for me but its still going to be really bitter sweet. I just feel like every Dec is a hard month and the new year always starts out funky. But the thing that I know I've probably said before, is that even though I have no choice of what happens to me, I have a choice of how I respond and whether or not I'm going to let it ruin my night or year. I guess I was just really looking forward to letting some things go and starting some wonderful new things as well and I can still do that, I was just hoping that it would go differently. I'm just so bummed and I was almost even feeling frustrated with him even though its not his fault at all. I think its just the emotion of him leaving and for so long and there's nothing I can do about it cause its the weather that's keeping us apart. I just wanted to see him and touch him one more time for the 2 years that he's gone cause I knew that I could be strong and last..live off those memories for the time he is gone. But now I dont know and I don't even know if I want to go to the party tonight I just want to be alone and yet that is not the way I want to end this year. I trust God and I know he has something beautiful I just hope I didn't mess it up..and I hope that things can move forward with this guy I like cause gosh he means the world to me. Happy new year everyone!!

Forgiving What I've done..

I don't even really know where to begin. It was a fantastic Christmas..one of the best I've ever experienced. I really don't know how long it will be till I have another one like that where everyone (or almost everyone)is there. I loved that my Uncle and Grandma made it..I loved that a lot of my friends got to be home this year..college and military friends alike.
Age old question..did I get all I wanted? Yes and no..the presents weren't what was important..it was the heart behind them. No I didn't get everything on my list, and no not all my dreams came true..but I got to thinking that not all your dreams can come true at the same time otherwise you wouldn't be ready to handle them just yet..there's still so much to learn. I was surrounded by family and I had wonderful friends that were such blessings. This year I'm happy to say that it was my first official year having a real best friend..the kind Anne of Greengables talks about :)
On a darker note..and to go along with the title of this Blog..things haven't been going the greatest lately. I've made some really hurtful mistakes/choices, what have you..and I've been having a hard time dealing with it all this week and now it's gone to a medical problem so therefore, over the weekend I'm going to be undergoing antibiotics and possibly a dr visit next week. I can't really post the thing that I did..not even that many people know about it..just one person..me, and God. All I know is that I will never do it again and I've very much so learned from it. God has been so good to me and I don't deserve his Grace..yet I think he's giving me a lot of it.I want to make it a goal in the new year and even the 2 days leading up to it..not to take my relationship with God or anyone else for that matter, for granted. I dont know what else to say tonight other than I'm excited for what God has for me and I know that he's going to do so many good/big things not only in my life but yours as well1! really hoping this weekend turns out!!

life decisions

My Grandma is here finally!! It's definitely been a fun day with thee sun shining, and then since she had a 3 hour lay over..my mom, sisters, and I went to the new library in the area which was actually really neat. I loved all of the floors..and loved how pretty much all the walls were made of glass..so pretty. :)
After picking up my grandma, we went shopping and then came home..after which my dad wanted me to drive him back to Washougal (my hometown) to pick up one of our cars that was getting fixed.
Way busy night wrapping some last presents, getting recipes ready for more shopping tomorrow to get ingredients for pies and cookies! Still not entirely sure how tomorrow is going to play out but I'm thinking I'm going to finish up the decorating, make some christmas candied hearts..and then who knows haha but its going to be a good day for sure. :)
Plans for January are looking ok for now but to be completely honest I'm just afraid of getting my hopes up cause something like this happened in October where I thought I was going to get to see someone and then it turned out not to work so its hard keeping emotions curbed but I think I can do this. :)
I'm proud to say that I'm actually getting excited about Christmas (finally!). Realized that no matter what happens, I can't let circumstances control my attitude and I have to make the most of everything. Been so tired today but I think tomorrow will be better to just spend more time with family. Anyhoo thats all but got some big decisions to make in the next week..still haven't planned my party ha and got so much to work out but God is good and I know that I can do this cause he brought it to me.. :) hope the adventure will get better, night all!

Just need to vent lol

I was debating whether or not I'd actually post this...but I feel like in case anyone ever reads it, it could help.
Anyway..right now I think I'm letting my emotions get the best of me. Just found something on the guy I like's wall...and he was basically talking to this girl saying he wants to see her..blah blah, and then adds that she owes him something and says "jk" after. Normally i wouldn't worry about it..but now my feelings for him are way too strong compared to what they were like a year ago and so the littlest thing gets me jealous. I don't really think I have anything to worry about but I just feel frustrated cause I feel like he keeps making plans to see other people and never any time to see me. Now given the fact that most of these people live closer than I do..and also the fact that he happens to be really good friends with a lot of girls but it still frustrates me. I know that we're not really a couple and so I shouldn't let this get to me but its hard not to when we're as close as we are. I think a lot of it is I'm just getting more emotional as the day gets closer to when he leaves for like forever..especially since its already been a year since I've seen him last and I pretty much love him even though I'm trying to hold it back. I just feel like I'm always the one that has the stronger feelings and I'm always the one that gets hurt..and this is one time where its like I thought he was the one and only guy I could trust and be fine with and then I see that and now I just don't want to talk to him..was actually going to attempt finding a time for when we can get together but now I'm too mad. Anyway..I dont really know what the moral of the story is..I just wish I could be more careful with my heart and I wish that guys could communicate more what they're feeling and just be more thoughtful cause I feel really hurt and just hoping that this is just a misunderstanding.

Ohh sometimes..I get a good feeling...

I can't remember now what all I already talked about in the last blog so bear with me in cause some of it is on repeat! ;)
I think I might've mentioned but love saying...that I'm so proud of my dad for finally starting back up on running races like he used to in College. it's so amazing to see him doing something that he loves and in a lot of ways its inspiring to me because it helps me see that I really can go for the things that I love and maybe actually do well in it and who knows how far it will get me someday? I've actually been kind of struggling with "finding a new dream"-reference from the movie tangled..my old dreams were involving either being a firefighter or military guy's wife and being involved with the ministries that would go along with that..but even though I still want to make a difference in those areas of life and the friends I have that live that life style..it's not really my dream anymore. So I was trying to figure out what my dream IS..cause for a while my dream career wise was to be a fashion designer and don't get me wrong..I love fashion but I just don't picture wanting to have to come up with several hundred new ideas every month so I just don't know if that's for me. It's hard thinking of the fact that I could potentially do the same thing my whole life..which if it were the right thing, I wouldn't mind at all..in fact I'd be thrilled. Like you probably saw in a couple posts back..I've really been thinking of missions but the whole thing is weird cause I want to use my passions to make a difference in the world..but at the same time Bible translation is just not my gift..so I'm hoping I can find a ministry that can maybe also be my career..and just do that. Also I think I may have found someone that would complete that dream but only time will tell since he is about to leave for 2 years...
Along with that ^ its been getting harder as the days come closer way too fast..to when he is going to be leaving (21 days now)..and the fact that I've still not seen him in a year. I have all these thoughts of what if he doesn't want to be with me and yada yada..you know how it goes, so I've just been trying to deal with those emotions and thoughts which has been quite the challenge since my whole life..I've never known a man that wanted me for good..but ya its a trust thing with my relationship with God..and I really do trust him.
I find that its just stealing my joy in this Christmas season, and consuming all my thoughts. So I've determined that I'm just going to make things happen in my life..things to keep me busy while I wait for the turn out since there's nothing else I can do and worrying or freaking out isn't going to make anything better..just going to make me miserable. Life really is mostly about your attitude and not so much the things that happen, cause circumstances can't define you unless you let them.
Hard to believe that my grandma is going to be coming for Christmas from the Seattle area in about 2 days ish! And then my Uncle comes from Cali shortly after (Christmas Eve). Still working on figuring out what I'm going to be doing for new years but I'm going to make it a good one! Well that's all I can think of for now, have a good night!! :)

All I want for Christmas is youuuu

It's getting so much closer to Christmas and I don't even know if it's hit me yet that it's exactly a week away. I feel like time is going by so fast (considering I've not been on here in forever ha).I love being busy cause it gives me something to think about/do rather than worry (which I do a lot ha). This past week was a weird/long week starting with last Sunday..I had to say goodbye to my Youth pastor..as well as my cousin. I'm hoping that I'll be able to see them both before the time they actually move but in case I dont, that was goodbye for me...the good part with that though is I am pretty sure I'll see them both eventually. My mentor I had to say goodbye to on Tuesday..but that was actually not as hard as I was thinking since I know I will be able to stay in contact with her. I got to go to my hometown on Thursday, chat with my bestfriend for most of the week..got to talk to the guy I like and my brother on Sunday night so it had its moments of good times in it as well as the hard times. Yesterday was fun cause my dad has started running in races again and yesterday was the first he has done since college so it was exciting..and then we spend the day (I can't say where yet since its before Christmas) haha..shopping. And then just busy all around. I have more to mention but I'm thinking tomorrow will be better..so TO BE CONTINUED! :)

The dream

Welp, its been forever since I've updated anything on here so I don't even know where to begin haha. Things have been so busy lately! The past 2 weeks have basically been about having family and friends visit..can't remember if I mentioned this the last I wrote, but found out that my youth pastor of 6 years is leaving and my mentor might be as well. My cousin whom I've grown pretty close to is leaving next month and then the guy I care so much about is leaving in Jan.
My older younger sister has started looking into college and is attempting graduation..so that's had me thinking about my future. I guess I've put off college partially cause I needed a break with all that's been going on, didn't feel ready yet, and then also just didn't think we had the money for it (which we don't). I don't want my parents to feel obligated to pay for it all so I've been trying to save up for myself but eh with the job I have no such luck haha.
One of my cousins has told me that I should really look into some of the missions groups that I've already been a part of>so compassion int. world vision, and ywam have been the main ones. For me, I just feel a special connection to ywam cause i was a part of it in high school with my youth group so I really have been looking into that a lot and the neat thing is that without even really trying that hard, I've been able to find out more about what the guy i like is doing. :) I've always had this desire to go see the world and to really make God and his love known as well as using my other passions (arts etc) to use as the main tool of expressing that. idk if that made sense but that's the gist. :P So far, I've found that ywam would really be the best thing as far as being able to accomplish that dream. I've never really been the type to just stay in the same place my whole life. I've also been looking into community colleges in the area and also seattle area in case i move there..cause that's something I think I'd start with. I don't really have a plan yet but I'm in the learning process and seeing what's next for me.
I also recently went to a concert in the area where I learned a lot about missions and God's love..I might write about that later but it was phenomenal :)
Funny fact:I've been becoming so obsessed with Pride and Prejudice (2005 version) mainly cause Mr Darcy reminds me of the guy I like haha so funny and odd, I know but yeah I love it. I think partly its a story that I feel in some ways we all relate to and its not too unrealistic..which is an important thing when it comes to chick flicks with me haha. It's mainly just been looking up the quotes and pictures since I don't have the movie, but yes I'm a nut. Even have one of the songs downloaded to my mp3 haha.
Oh another thing that I've been doing lately..learning about different countries..my heart is mainly in Europe and Africa since I've been to those places before..so I'm hoping one day I can go there, whether for missions or just a visit. We shall see! anyway that's all :) have a fabulous day!

Week 2!! :)

Welp time for another update! lol. :P Last week was one of the most successful weeks ever, I worked so hard with all of my goals and though I know I could've done so much better I know that it was a start and I got way more done than I thought I could. God is so good and every day he amazes me. It has been such a crazy past week but definitely good. Over the weekend, I was able to get together with a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in a while so it was good. Saturday was mainly filled with studying..and now just really hoping that I can retain everything. Going to retest and see if I have more review on one of the subjects. Did a different subject that is normally problematic for me but did pretty well;more than half the questions right and its been at least a year since I've last studied this so I was really surprised. Anyway, right now I'm thinking that I'm not going to take the test this month since I need at least a week in advance and there's no way I'm going to take the whole thing in one day-7am till 6pm, no way on this green earth. Saturday night my sis wanted me to drive her downtown Portland..the driving part I didn't like but the message at church was great. It was the story of the good Samaritan which I've heard several times, but there was something new that I got from it this time and that's what I love, when I can learn something new from a lesson I've heard multiple times. :) The main keys-learn to forgive someone that you've been holding a grudge against for a long time (or even just at all)point 2 was talking about getting involved in your community to really just serve the people you cross paths with..be willing to get dirty and do things that you normally wouldn't. Point 3 was talking about the importance of just being a friend to the people in your life..cause whether or not you realize it there may be someone who is hurting and you just may be the person God wants to use to save them. So very profound I thought. :) And then Sunday was the day that my dad was preaching at my parent's church and I thought it was a very good message. It was really nice to hear him speak after a couple years since the last time he got to. His message was about the different names of God and was just talking about how God is always going to keep his promises, he has a plan for our lives, and he is going to make something beautiful of our lives. There have been a couple things that happened over the weekend that have just really been having me think more of where I stand with my different beliefs so its been good for me to be sure. One thing I've been thinking about is just what it will take for me to learn how to NOT procrastinate, not make excuses with things, and not live in fear. So thankful I have a wonderful mentor and good friends to help me with that. I've also been asking myself what my main motivation for having a "relationship" with God is. Like is it based off of me only going to him when things aren't going well, or is it based off of the actual love that I have for him. I was thinking of all of the things I'm going to need to take care of before I would be ready for a relationship. I don't think its going to take that long at all, and am really excited to see where things go. One thing I've been struggling with is simply not getting easily frustrated with people. One thing I've realized in the past month is that I get really frustrated especially with guys that try to give me advice. The thing a lot of guys don't know, is that most of the time we simply just want to vent;to have someone listen. We already know what's wrong and we already know what we need to do to make it better. If we need help/want help, we will ask. Most men just go off and give advice and it comes off as them not really respecting us and not really caring about what is going on but always trying to be right and have a remedy to make things better, and its quite annoying actually. I'm not really mentioning this for any specific reason, its just been something my mom and I were talking about and if there are any guys out there that read this, I can guarantee things will go better with you and that special girl if you just try to listen more and instead of just giving advice..maybe ask her if there's any thing she needs help with,there are subtle ways of seeing if she wants advice without just being all up in her face. Anyway that is definitely something I'm thankful for with my brothers, and the man I care for..they don't know that about me I dont think..that I find it annoying when guys simply give advice without really asking, but somehow they just GET me. I think thats something that when especially guys get to know me better, they know how to work things. Anyway, this coming week is going to be interesting for sure. Going to have a lot of studying and so much just in general going on. Still thinking about whether or not it's going to work for me to make my trip work next month but I'm trusting God with that. Timing is everything and I just simply need to wait. Not too much else to say at the moment. Just a couple situations going on that I'm a little worried about but I know better than to fret over things that I don't know that much about. I know things will get better, I just hope its soon haha. Hope everyone is having a fantastic week so far. :)

standing side by side-day 3 :)

Well not even going to talk about yesterday cause not much happened haha. But I am proud to say that I am doing well on my goal. Step one for me was just doing the things I procrastinate about, first that way i don't have to dread it for the rest of the day. Something else that I wish I thought of sooner is just dividing a big goal into little bits. For me that's actually a lot harder than it may sound cause I like to just get something done all at once but it was good for me to separate cause it wasn't so much stress at one time. Got more done that way and just feels so good to know that I'm one step. I just hope that with this one thing-studying for a huge test that will really determine a lot of where I head next in my life...I hope that I can retain it all cause I've been so dead tired the past week..or probably longer. Today was fun at work..I love the different activities we get to do, love the people I work with, and the kids are the greatest!! Got to skype date with a special girl that I've not seen face to face since new years so that was fab and definitely going to chat it up more tomorrow! Something confusing happened yesterday..but it might just be the thing that I need to really just give me time to think. I have no idea what's going on and wish I could go more into detail but with this being a private page i just cant. I will say the thing that was on everyone's mind though-yes it does have to do with my emotions haha but what doesn't honestly. :P hahaha. well finding out that I just need to figure out what I want. I don't want to really rush any of my goals..my future..any part of it at all. Its hard though cause on the one hand there is something that I want right now but I also know that there is something I have to face first before i would be ready for something that big. I know that if I were to move into that realm that it would most likely be more long term than anything I have ever had. I don't want to procrastinate though. :P haa. I think I love someone, but my emotions just keep going back and forth to where I don't really know if its genuine or not so much. I think it is though, this has been going on a while and I love this guy I just think I'm a little scared cause I've never really had a lasting relationship in my life and this guy is so mysterious lol. I just would hate to mess something up but we'll see. That is all for this day haha. :)

Just do it!! lol day 1 of week 1 :P

So lately I've just been feeling like I'm so set in my ways that there's no possible way that I'm going to really be able to change. But I know that's just a lie from the pit cause if I were to give everything my best, there's no telling all that I could learn, accomplish, where I could go, how many people I could help, and what all I could do for God. I think if I'm downright honest with myself, I'm just scared. Scared of things never really changing and always failing. But something I'm learning is its all about how you see things-its not really failure if you learn from and grow from it. I have a couple really bad habits that I'm going to attempt breaking this week-1. Thinking about everything to the point where I never actually act on my ideas, but rather just over analyze everything until I eventually either talk myself out of doing things or I just wait till I figure everything out before I take another step. 2. Procrastinating about everything that seems hard or risky. 3. Making excuses for why I can't do things and 4. letting fear stop/hold me back from really doing anything. I really think I actually know what I need to do but just feel like what's the point. Fact is I don't actually know cause again with brutal honesty..I usually try something maybe 5 times tops before just giving up. And then I try the same thing in the same way 2 years later. Gosh that sounds so sad when I think about it. I keep telling myself that no one can possibly have as good a reason as I for not being able to move forward. But honestly..in a way if I hold fast to those thoughts..I'd pretty much be letting the no-sayers be right. All the people who told me to settle, who told me that I could never make it...if I never move forward they will be right. So yep I admit to the public that I have felt like giving up lately but then I know that the genuine honest to goodness Kallayah just can't give up. She fights to the end and doesn't give up when one little thing goes wrong. The main thing is at the end of the day I want to be able to say that I've given everything my best shot. I'm not content with staying here-this town, this place of life etc..for the rest of my life. I'm content for now, yeah. But I don't want to still be in this city doing the same things 2 years from now, Lord willing that this world is still around. I want to either be starting college or in college. I want to live near or in Seattle on my own for at least a couple months. I want to have a better job, a church that I can call my own, a man that loves me that I'm crazy about..you name it. Right now that's my dream. So if nothing else, I hope this maybe inspires at least one person out there that thinks maybe they're alone and that they'll never make it. I promise you, you can do anything you set your mind to do as long as it's God's will and if its not-God says yes which gives us what we want, no which gives us something better, and wait which gives us the best. I've probably said that before but its so true. So if you feel the same as I, we're in this together and we can go conquer the world. We really can! So even if this is the only week I try this little "plan" of giving everything my best shot, I'm going to do it. :)

Just a dream..

Well its been forever so thought I'd post a couple updates! I don't even remember the last time I wrote haha so bear with me if some of this news is old! Well first I think I should mention that I finally have a job! God is so good, I keep procrastinating about everything and end up losing out on opportunities that I could've participated in yet God keeps bringing more chances into my life. :) This is the 6th year at the daycare so I'm excited to see what God has for me. Started the Tuesdays this week and now Thursdays tomorrow so it should be interesting cause I find out which age group I work with! Moving plans fell through with my cousin..again though as sad as it may sound I'm not that surprised cause this isn't the first time she has offered something and then turn around and tell me that it's not available anymore. So guess that option is out haha, but still hoping to move and so right now just figured that the best plan is for me to just work and save up and then whenever it works for me to move God will bring something up or I'll just be able to visit my friends every now and again depending on my paycheck. Really hoping it works for me to be able to go to the concert mainly cause there might be a couple good friends that I might get to see and maybe some people I get to meet for the first time. Well there was a hope/plan for me to be able to meet up with one of the 2 guys that I like last weekend but it didn't end up working out so we'll see what happens. Its hard cause I'm so picky when it comes to relationships/guys and yet I thought maybe I found 2 guys that would be good possibilities. Well one of the guys I still haven't heard from and of course me being really shy, I've not said much except through updates on fb and whatnot. The other guy I just was kind of waiting to see if anything would happen with guy 2 cause I honestly thought maybe I felt more of a connection with guy 2 than with the first guy. But then nothing has really happened so I've been feeling really confused. The funny thing is that yeah I want something to develop with one of the guys and yet I know that a part of me needs the rest of the month to just be single and get some of the last touches together on getting ready. Its also hard that both these guys live close to the area that would've been able to move to and now IF anything happens it might have to start with distance. So it'll be interesting to see how things pan out but I want to be content with where God has me. :) That's all for now but hopefully I'll be posting more updates more often!

And he will direct your paths...

So much been going on lately, don't even know where to start haha. Well in the past couple weeks, got 2 job offers...one of which was a last minute thing and thought maybe it was from God cause I've been praying for a job for a while. It wouldn't have lasted the whole year..just the month of Sept, but still would've been enough for different upcoming bills and whatnot. Well the second offer was from the daycare that I've been working at the past 5 years, and we usually start up the same week Vancouver starts school...so I figured I didn't have to call back right away and personally know the lady in charge..anyway when I did finally call back, found out that the daycare had started up the week before. And month of Sept we only have the daycare once every other week..so really slow month. Anyway learned the hard way that you should never hold back cause of fear. And that's what I did..was so worried about not even sure what, that I procrastinated a couple weeks to call and now might not get that job this year. Lol another thing in the area of updates, been looking into moving. Things weren't looking so good and then met someone and she and I have come really close in short time so we were thinking of getting a place but wouldn't be till next year. Just have really felt like God is leading me to Seattle area and that its something that I feel I want/need to do in the next couple months, like before the year is over. I just feel like I want to start my life and that I'm not meant to stay here. More than willing to stay if that's what God wants but I just have this urge to move, and right now don't want to move too far. So anyway have really been seeking God's guidance in that and its looking like maybe something will work out but still not a for sure thing. It mainly depends on when I take my test...can't move until that's done and then I can be officially graduated and really move forward lol. Also looking for jobs in that area so I guess we'll just have to see. In the area of relationships...not even sure what to think. Sometimes feel like I'm far too picky but I know that its a good thing cause it makes it so I don't fall for nearly as many guys haha. But still really hard cause I just feel like the right guy is in that area (Seattle) and of course I don't know that for sure, and not moving there Just for the right guy haha, I just feel like he'll be around there. But anyway not sure what to think with things..Interested in someone kinda but then barely met him like a couple weeks ago and I just always get afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing...ahhh but anyway ya more on this later haha. Learning to trust God in everything!

All my life

So many thoughts going on in my head...not even sure how to sort them all out haha. Well, wedding week was 2 weeks ago as hard as that is to believe! School is starting back up for all my college friends and siblings still in high school. The past week has been pretty crazy; got 2 job offers but one fell through, things were looking good for a little with my hopes for moving but now that's not looking so good either. Also, financially things are getting pretty tough with my family so not even sure I'm going to have internet in a month so that'll be interesting to see how I work around that...haha. The area of guys...things have changed quite a bit. As you know from several of my past posts, i was quite enamored by this one guy that I've known a while...but after thinking about it realized that maybe most of that came from the fact that he was pretty much the only guy I was interested in that showed an interest back..and there was no other guy beside him. Well now..I don't want to jump the gun just yet but thinking that I could have maybe met someone and though I still barely know him-there's a connection that I feel or at least that's how I feel lol. Not even sure if he feels the same since I haven't even met him in person or anything like that yet. Thing that I realized is with the first guy, its been 2 years now and I still don't really feel a connection. I feel like I have to force myself to see something that I don't know is even there. something says that there's something better I could have but then I don't know and don't want to mess things up...though not sure why i would say that since the past relationships just didn't work out and wasn't my fault. Kinda worrying with the new guy that I might be over exuberant and I don't want to do anything wrong but one of my buddies brought a good point that if someone is meant to be in my life, then in the end they won't be turned off so fast by my clumsyness. Anyway, there is so much that I could say but thinking I will save more for later...sooo much weighing on my mind right now! I know that whatever happens at the end of the month, I will be happy and it will be what God wants and for me that is the most important thing. Definitely learning a lot about what it means to trust God!!

Weekend in Canadia!

This past weekend marked my last summer wedding! I had one of the best weekends this summer-headed out on Thursday and went to a free concert at Elizabeth park. It was so much fun and it was a neat experience since it was the first time (that I remember) going to a free concert at a local park. My cousin and I decided to have a girls night out with our moms, and my youngest sister. Other than the concert we didn’t really do that much ahah my mom and aunt were insistent on showing my cousin, sister, and I their elementary, and high school as well as some of the houses they used to live in. It was really fun going to the high end of the city of Blaine and looking at extremely nice houses;the kind that reminded me of the white house in the movie The Notebook, if you know what I mean lol. The next day was probably one of my favorites, since my cousin and her husband took me out shooting. I got to learn how to shoot a shotgun for the first time, since all other times I’ve gone shooting its been a hunting gun haha. It was so fun. Then went to my other cousin (the bride’s) house and we went on a walk one last time…which brought up a lot of memories since when she and I were younger we would always walk around her and my neighborhoods, so it was a great time. Then it was time for rehearsal and the dinner. The Bachelorette party was another highlight since my cousin had no idea we were even going to have a party for her. We mainly just did girly things that we’ve not done in forever-painted our nails, watched wedding flicks, and ate tons and tons of candy aha. The next day was semi stressful cause we found out the night before that there were no CD players available for the wedding, so we had to set up some play lists from scratch and even though I am sure that the first dance/father and daughter dance wasn’t how my cousin originally wanted I hope that it was still good :) I was so honored to have been able to be a bridesmaid and be there for her on her big day. Over all I would say it was a good weekend, plus the day before leaving I was able to get together with my mentor at the park and have a talk about life. I am finding that I have been feeling more lonely and just unsure of my future now with the new updates on moving and what not. Talking to Saundra really brought clarity to how I should be doing things. Also have been learning that I really can’t let fear control me and even though that’s a given its really hard for me to live it out. In the area of relationships, there have been some new developments and honestly have no idea how things are going to turn out. Made a realization about 2 days before leaving for the wedding that things aren’t what they should be with one of the relationships I am considering and so that has had be worried a little. I have this thing where I have to be in control of near EVERYTHING. I feel like my life is going no where but honestly am realizing that I shouldn’t be basing my success in the future off of whether or not my plans that I have now, work out. So that is the update for now. I have found, however that I am making some steps forward in the confidence area-something that I had been worrying about the last post I put up. God is always good, that I know. He puts dreams in our hearts for a reason and sometimes we’re not ready for the things he has for us-hence why sometimes he makes us wait longer than we want. There’s a quote that has really encouraged me and something I truly believe on how God answers our prayers: He either answers yes, which gives us what we want. No, which gives us something better, or wait, which gives us the best. :-)

 

The fashion of his love

Ok so I'm going to just throw some things out there-put myself on the spot so to speak :P
Learned this past week that I'm very insecure about my age/size in more ways than I realized.As in I look way younger than I am, and it's pretty much been like that for my whole life so you would think I'd be use to it but I'm not. Ever since creation I've kind of been shaken up a little cause people would meet me and be all like Oh you're 15/16 right! And I'm like noooo 20 actually lol. For the most part I don't have a problem cause I've been told that once I start talking they can figure out that I'm older than I look. But its just the first part after meeting people that I'm super shy. Idk if that even makes sense but it just makes me feel that I have to try harder to prove my self and I shouldn't have to. So that's one thing that I want to work on;my confidence. The odd thing is normally I'm super confident and nothing can bring me down but yeah ever since creation fest I've been more quiet than usual and it wasn't just one incident that made me feel inferior. The second thing that I have recently learned is that the things I do=who I am. And I know that's a lie from the devil but for some reason have been acting like it's a truth in my life. So since I feel like I haven't really been getting anywhere in my life lately I've been feeling like a no body as sad as that sounds lol. So I was like if what I do equals who I am, than why on earth would God want to love ME. It's not like I'm even doing anything wrong-I could understand God wanting to forgive people who fail and then turn things around. But me, I've had different things that I've known I need to work on-things that aren't that bad just habits that make it hard for me to accomplish much...and haven't been doing anything about it. It's like I sit and wait for life to happen to me, wait for my dreams to come true and do nothing to add my part in the deal. Something I learned though is that God truly is in love with me in spite of that, and that just makes me more passionate for him. I'm telling you, how can a woman not be moved by a man who is moved by her? :) It's the most beautiful thing and especially when you feel you don't deserve that kind of love...just motivates you to go out and love other people, and to actually make changes in your life. Something that I learned in one of my devotionals is that I need to receive from people in order to receive from God, and that's the one way I will be able to feel his love more. And receiving...for those of you who don't know this yet about me, is one of the hardest things for me to do cause I like to be independent and accepting things from others just makes me feel like I'm being a burden. SO dealing with these things;that's my mission for the rest of August and the majority of September. I know what I need to do, I just need to do it now. :P Night to all my peeps out there and I'll have more updates haha

Love Unexpected

SO! It's almost the end of the summer, I can't believe it. :P My recent journeys...so many things have taken place that I don't remember where I left off haha.
Creation:was fantastic. For those of you who didn't know, I normally volunteer there every summer and this year rather than being in the Artist booth, I was placed in the Music store with a different schedule than what I wanted. So in all honesty, I was really worried cause this meant that for the first time I would have a supervisor I didn't know and would have to learn new things. GASP! Lol but I'm glad I chose to trust God cause I found out that it wasn't near as bad as I feared. I met a lot of really awesome people, was pushed way outside my comfort zone, learned a lot of new things, and had a lot of fun. I can say that next year I don't really mind where I work-artist booth or music store were really quite something. :) This year was different in that we had fireworks at the end of the event, and we also had movie nights after the concerts. So I really took advantage of that and really sad that the week went by already. Got to see some of the friends I made last year, and a couple times got to have some people over to my campsite to have a devotional. It was the coolest thing to be sharing testimonies with people I had just met/people I met last year. Aside from learning to trust God with where he has me and trusting him with the future, I learned something else that struck a chord with me:God KNOWS me fully and wants to LOVE me unconditionally. While I had known this pretty much from day one, for the first time I realized that I'm not just a group of people that God loves. I'm an individual that means the world to HIM an he would do anything to prove that to me. That needless to say, rocked my world. :) I do have a couple regrets like not going to all the concerts and hearing all the speakers that I had the opportunity to see, but then those were the quiet moments I had with my amazing God so though in some ways I felt I wasted those moments...they were still precious. :) I had a really hard time opening up this year though...that's the one thing I do regret that I would do differently. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that a couple people that I'm used to having with me at Creation, weren't there this year. So that was another growing experience.
Upon coming home, I started this Bible study called Love Unexpected...and there are a couple reasons why this study has really influenced my life. :)My pastor is going through Song of Solomon in a way that I never would've thought of on my own:he is talking about the relationship between the bride and her lover as if it were God talking to each of us. I wish I could go into detail about every chapter, but in the first chapter...my pastor was talking about how God wants to be close with each and every one of us. He longs to have an actual relationship with us. That, I knew already but just the different metaphors given really helped me see it more clearly. The second chapter is talking about how God sees each of us as beautiful to him and it doesnt matter what we have or are doing, what we do doesn't define his love. The Third chapter is talking about how we need to do all we can to make sure that nothing comes in the way of our relationship with God, and that he needs to come first over anything else. The 4th chapter is the one I did most recently, and it uses the different body parts of the woman as a symbol of God's love, and to me this just shows why God made us women reflect him...which makes it so beautiful to me. :) When it describes the woman's eyes, its a symbol of honesty and purity. When it talks of her hair, it's talking about her glory-something I didn't know is that a reason why cultural women cover their hair is cause God has created women to have beautiful hair and if they are in the presence of God with their hair uncovered it will take away people's attention from God. So I thought that was interesting that God created us women to reflect a part of him :) The woman's teeth represent us taking in God's work and meditating on it, letting it digest in our lives. Our lips are red to represent how God's blood washed us clean. The man talks about the woman's temples which is a symbol of her brain-how God helps us to become new creatures in the way that we think. When the man describes the woman's neck, it is talking about her confidence in God and how when she is following him she can stand tall and strong in him. Her breasts represent her heart and how she is fully focused on her lover. And to me that is one of my favorite parts cause its talking about how we need to be consumed with God's love for us so we can love people better. Another reason why this study and title Love Unexpected means a lot to me, is cause it deals with what I'm going through in my life right now. With finally realizing that I like someone...its like a love unexpected. And the funny thing is that its a journey..I don't know how things will turn out but I'm enjoying what God is teaching me along the way. :)
Newest adventure for me:going to seattle for the weekend, possibly going to go to Port Orchards for the first time! Still have to study more and make sure I take my test here soon lol, and have another wedding coming up in almost 2 weeks. :)

Creation!!!

So So excited for creation, I leave in 1 day! Things have been so crazy this summer; with getting sick for 2 weeks, kids camp being last week and now going to be gone another week. Definitely excited to see what God has for me this year at creation, the friends I'll meet and just everything that involves Creation haha. :D
Definitely going to miss some special people that are normally there but its going to be even better when we do see each other cause after all...Absence makes the heart grow fonder. :) Definitely going to put up pics and have a detailed story when I come back but for now got more packing, and cooking to do for prep since I'm leaving in the afternoon ish tomorrow. :)

Just a shot in the dark...that you might be the one :)

Yesterday was so great to get the chance to go to my old school & be able to say goodbye to some of my favorite teachers of all time & see some old classmates.The crazy thing is most of us are all grown up & haven't gone to this school in over 5 years now.So crazy to think that time can go by that fast.My favorite teacher said something pretty profound yesterday that I thought was cool;Sometimes things don't work out when we think they should cause God is preparing us to be able to handle it better or maybe he has something even better for us.It definitely was sad to see my old school that I'd gone to since kindergarten thru 7th grade close down,but like I was discussing with a friend:it was beautiful at the time & it was right for then,but now that we're older we belong in other places & it doesn't feel right to be at that school anymore.Its hard to make that realization sometimes & goodbye can always feel so hard at the time but later we look back & realize that though the memory is still special & treasured forever,we wouldn't go back for anything in the world cause we know we're where we're meant to be right now.

For those of you who haven't yet heard,I've been watching The Bachelorette.Honestly I know its a female thing but I love it. The main thing I like about it,is seeing other people's experiences with dating & just being able to take some lessons from their journeys & applying them to my life.Also has been showing me that sometimes you think you know someone & they turn out not to be who you thought whether for worse or for better. Also sometimes when things don't work out with someone & you're shattered...its mostly because they weren't really the right person for you & it would be better not to know fully what they were really like than to find out the hard way if that makes sense.Another thing is that to make a love last,you cant make it about winning,whether winning someone's heart or winning a fight. You have to really make it about LOVING them & not make it so much about what you can get from it.I've really been learning a lot even in my own personal journey as of late.Been talkin' with my bestie about some love related topics & its funny cause I'm finding myself falling for someone that for a while I thought "I don't know if I'd ever get to date him" funny thing is that now that he's physically gone for now,that's when I start liking him more.Haha of course haha.Well I'm going to have to wait a couple months to find out what happens & I find myself antsy & like "can we just fast forward to 3ish months from now?" but I know that if that were to happen I'd miss the wonderful things in between.Like that miley cyrus song,its not about how fast you get to the destination sometimes as much as enjoying & learning during the actual journey.Plus we all know that in the end,learning all you can on the way there is better than rushing to the destination & not even being ready.Back to some lessons I've been learning through the Bachelorette...I need to have an open heart & let go of the people that make it impossible to move forward;that's one of the hardest things for me cause with this person I like,there're no guarantees that he'll stick around when he comes back & I might have to start all over but I know if that is the case,then I'll face that bridge when I get there.But if not...it'll be the best wait (right now) EVER.I just cant make the same mistakes I've always made which is distancing myself or trying harder than ever to be better than anyone else could ever possibly be in order to make a relationship with someone work.Here's a little insider (if there are any guys reading this lol) for what an honest to goodness woman of God wants in a man:God to be number one;if he's just making a show of a close relationship with God only to be with her,than in the end she WILL discover that & will walk away cause she'll see that you wont be able to help her grow in God the way she needs & wants to.Part 2 is he cant just go to church for the girl,he has to go for himself.Cant smoke,drink,or cuss excessively.My opinion is smoking ultimately kills you & we don't want to be worrying about our men dying young :/ lol.There're far more cons than pros to smoking.I won't judge but I also cant see myself living in that environment.Drinking...if you know me talk to me if you have more questions but I dont think drinking in & of itself is wrong,its what you DO with drinking;your motives that makes it ok or wrong.And cussing,no one respects you when you try to act cooler than you are,lets be honest. ;)2 more tips:Again with the relationship with God,you have to GENUINELY care about where you are with him.Doesn't matter if you're the strongest,been a Christian the longest,or mess up a lot.Just matters that your heart is earnestly seeking to become more like God. :) the 2nd thing,NEVER settle for a career or life that's less than God's best for you.And with that I mean go for your dreams & don't let anyone other than God stop or slow you down.I can honestly say if I find a guy who really wants to make a difference in the world for God...& if that involves him moving to a different state or country,if he is really the one I will move with him in a heartbeat (after marriage of course lol).Honestly if I love someone genuinely I'll do ANYTHING. :) I personally don't think the girl should revolve her life around the guy unless she's married to him.We women are meant to come alongside our husbands & help them/support them.So though I'm going full force for my dreams,I feel I'm meant to possibly move farther than where I am currently & if that means my husband wants to move super far away I'll do it.That's all for now but I'll have more later. ;)

Tonight... :)

So just some thoughts this weekend:had SO much fun with my aunt even though she was here for a very short time.Good news,she'll be back in July on the 1st!Some bummers of the day:Have 3 good friends that I've known at least since senior year that are moving to Orlando tomorrow & today was their farewell party;& I couldnt make it.Also totally missed out on a good friends 21st birthday party due to my phone being lame so I felt bad about that & just hoping she & I can party it up here soon to make up for lost time.Also have been thinking a lot about my old school that is shutting down,therefore most of my old teachers are most likely losing their jobs & I guess a lot of students are having to relocate.So really hoping I can make it to that farewell party. :)
Part 2:Thinking a lot about love & relationships lately since I've been getting together with my mentor,talking with another bestie & of course love is always on my mind anyway. :P Hoping this will encourage some of you out there,here's what I've been learning:Love isn't at all a feeling;but a choice. Whether romantically or with friends/family it's a choice whether or not you love someone.The feelings are just the frosting to the cake. Love is seeking out the other person's absolute best even if it doesnt include you or would possibly complicate things for your life.That's something that's really hard for me,since I've been realizing that when I "love" someone,honestly I'm thinking of how can I make this person want to be close to me,not what would be the best for them in this situation.In the relationship category, I've learned that if someone I would think of dating doesnt have any of the different fruits of the spirit (see Galations,sorry I forgot which chapter),then they're not right for me.Also,group dates if done by choice (like if you have an option of doing one on one) is actually key to failure for the relationship cause its not an intimate environment at all.Another thing:if you are dating just to have more fun,get to know someone better etc,then you're dating for the wrong reasons & you can still have fun & hangout but within a friendship.Another given that hasn't been so obvious to me till now is that either you're dating or you're not.There's no in between.If someone is making time for me, talking to me a lot & whatnot,we're together even if thats not what he or I think.If that makes sense.Yet another thing,is making a "must have list" isnt a good idea either cause often if you focus on what you NEED,God will add the things you want in there but if you're following him.Make a list of what you Cant have in someone & God will show you the rest since often he shows us what he doesnt want for us before he shows what his will is.So for now,that is all I have to say.Hope that helps in some shape or form..I will definitely have more coming & yes the pics I promised are coming up. ;)

One of the wedding pics from wedding #2!!

Wedding # 2/Seattle trip!!

The second wedding that I got to help plan and be a part of, was my cousin Misty HeHe. :) I honestly couldn't be any more happy for her with the man she is married to. He is beyond the sweetest man any girl could ask for and she has one of THEE best men in the world. :) I got to stay with my cousin, the bride, for a couple days so that was a blast. The first day, I actually got to see my cousin and her at the time husband to be's house and it was so beautiful. The first day was pretty chill and we watched a couple movies together and then it was time to get up early. The day before the wedding was a ton of fun; I went with Misty to get her nails done at a day spa and that was by far one of the coolest experiences I've gotten to be a part of. After that was rehearsal time and the rehearsal dinner was located at an airport, where some of the planes that Misty's future husband, John had actually made were located. So that was really cool to see Misty's husband's handywork. The bachelorette party took place right after the dinner so there was more fun and staying up late involved haha. :D Next morning, we all had to get up at 5 am to get ready to go to a house where we were all going to do our hair, makeup; the works. Photography was after that and before you know it, it was the wedding ceremony! I was completely blown away by the honor of being a part of Misty's big day and I honestly nearly cried when it came time to help her with her dress right before she walked down the aisle. I had never been on that side of a wedding before and it just astounded me that such a little job of taking care of keeping her dress clean would mean so much that she would have me there for her down to the last second. Over all it was a very fun time!
After the wedding, I got to stay the night at my grandma's house and visit with her as well as my uncle who was visiting from Cali. My cousins and my aunt from my mom's side joined us and we all went walking at a nearby beach area. It was beyond beautiful. The next day we went to a street fair and got to  have more time on the beach. I was able to spend some time with my younger older cousin, which was nice. We got some ice cream and were able to catch up on life and just share our goals for the future. We later got to dance together and have a bbq which was so much fun. Welp, that is my very detailed weekend! I'll be posting pics from the wedding, and Seattle trip soon!

Dreams

Some times the dreams we have are not of God and the way to find out which is which (from God, or self created) is sometimes the test of time, also praying. When a dream doesn’t leave and it only becomes stronger, and you find yourself becoming more equipped over time for that desire you have (God honoring of course) that’s when you know that it’s a dream from God. Often God tests us by making us wait longer than we would like or even making things harder for us so that we have to try harder to make our dreams come true. Also he might allow different attacks from the devil so to see if we have the maturity and strength to go on with the next step. But if it is a God given dream, he will work everything out and you just need to trust him no matter how hard cause God has a plan, with using your dream to strengthen and build his kingdom. Often the thrill of a dream involves God stretching you to go farther and to do things that you would never have imagined yourself doing. Another thought with dreams, sometimes they’re temporary and this is crucial cause sometimes we think oh we have to have all the different ideas together and everything set up for that dream but truth is, by the time we think we’re ready to act on that dream, God will have something different for us and that dream may die. So its important that when we find out when and if a dream is from God that we do all we can to live it out and make it a living sacrifice of our lives to the Lord. More on this later but for now this is what I think in the topic of dreams. J

Wedding pic from my first wedding :)

From my first wedding!!! She looked completely stunning. :)
My adventure for tomorrow; going to the mall and to a movie, probably going to see Rango or Gnomeo and Juliet haha should be good!

Wedding Season! :)

Wedding season has begun! So excited to see how God uses me in the lives of the brides that I'm helping with the plans of their weddings. My first wedding was this past weekend and it was so much fun. :) My best friend, Amanda just got married. Her colors were Bright blue, Bright pink, bright green and several other bright colors.

Something in the line of weddings, is the topic of love. One thing that I'm learning is that real love looks out for the best interest of others even when its hard. This means that you commit to really loving every person you come in contact with no matter what. This doesn't mean that you're a doormat but it does mean that you give all that you are to the other person. This has been something that I have really been struggling with especially with my sister :P but I really feel like this is what God wants me to learn.

God has really blessed me in so many ways...one being that I finally have my license after working 3 years to get it! :) Pictures of the weddings coming soon!

Today... I choose to be strong

I'm just going to vent for now since I need to get some things out.
First the negatives: Several plans for today got cancelled.
Feeling like I'm losing a best friend and not sure if its even worth saving.
Also a couple things in the area of guys. I'm working my program of three (if you know me personally, you know what that means lol) but the 3 different guys keep moving around on my list. Like guy number one doesnt stay there too long, and sometimes switch out guy number 3...so thats confusing. I was hoping it would be the same couple of guys for a longer period of time and that I could get to know them and see where it would go but not so simple. One guy, I have liked for the past couple of years but nothing can happen for a while. Another guy I haven't even been able to talk to for a long time and not even sure if we're still on good terms. lol. Another guy I just met and really am just happy to become more of a friend with him. the other guy I have moved off my list and yet I have arranged to see him sometime soon and not sure why cause I thought I never wanted to see him again or at least for a while. Also keep seeing things that he posts that make me kinda overthink everything and I hate it.
So now I think I dont need to express my emotions cause as you can tell, I'm really feeling confused, frustrated, and having a hard time just enjoying the present and being patient for the future. Why does everything have to be so drawn out before it gets worked out? nooo idea.
Positives for today: Got enough sleep for once, have friends that care about me and are chatting with me, feeling better, the sun has been shining and no rain, and just lucky in several other ways. so even though its been a weird day thus far, I'm going to be ok one way or another cause I am strong. :) More updates later most likely today or tomorrow. :)

My mission part 2 ;)

So excited that its finally spring and it actually feels like it now with all the sunshine we've been havin!!
So an update on my "mission" as seen in the last post, so far in month one this is what I have accomplished: In my Music section, I have attempted learning a piano song (new one) but no such luck yet. Working on picking music for a special event; a couple of my friend's weddings. in my Fitness section, attempted the splits, and finally got to 6 pull ups and can do more. :P My health section, limited caffeine! For those who dont know me well, this was a big thing! I actually didnt vomit from being drunk, so score there if thats something to be proud of. ha :P

Not wear as dark of makeup everyday, I have a new style now! ;) My art section, I did a picture with oil paints and also drew a really complicated picture. The getting over it section, finally went all out with NO makeup in public (also a big deal for me). The no particular reason, got drunk with a girl, did a photo shoot with a good friend, and got dressed up in a public place. In the get it out of my system/cause I've always wanted to section, told someone when they hurt me, and told a guy I liked him. In the You wouldn't understand section, took pics at Ikea haha.  and for now thats it!! Going to try to give more updates...but today is sunshine which I love and did a photo shoot with my sis yesterday, also have a new job which I get to do tomorrow. :D

2 year mission

So there are about 150 + different things that I'm suppose to try throughout the year- some of which include learning Broadway Dance and at least 1 song on the piano. The piano....eh its going alright. Considering that I started this mission about 2 weeks ago I guess I'm doing pretty well although my family gets out their ear plugs whenever I start playing. Ahaha. The broadway dance I am excited about, for I have a dance dvd that teaches the hottest moves, and on top of that gives me a great workout which is another thing on my Mission list; to work out more. More updates to follow but so far so good! :)

The end of THE challenge

So, the ending of my SPAM challenge has come and I can actually say that it wasn't near as bad as what some of you may have thought! In the beginning I was thinking,  a whole week without my secular movies and music=no way of survival but I made it! I mentioned in my last blog how I created a special playlist for the week and even though it only had 100 something songs out of the 600 something I have, I did survive. Some weren't actually considered christian groups, but the way I see it; if it somehow glorifies God, it counts. It doesnt have to have the Christian title or the lyrics. As long as it doesnt have the unwholesome, its good. And so thats what I did and believe it or not I kept myself so busy that I didnt even have time for movies that particular week. GUESS WHAT I feel like I am a stronger woman now because of it and feel like I did one of the best things I could possibly do for myself. I have more challenges I am starting up...more on that later though. :P

The Challenge Part 2!!

So, as you all know from my last blog, I have decided to take on this challenge. It is mainly to help me grow closer to God, and I am doing this for a week by not listening to secular music or watching secular media. I have mixed feelings cause I will admit that this has been hard for me! But it has also been really great for me. I have only been watching movies that my sisters own, and I must say it has been fun to go back to the movies that I watched growing up. Plus going back to classics such as Andy Griffith and such. The music has been the hardest thing for me though, for as most of you can guess, music is pretty much my life. However, I realized that I can listen to anything that doesnt have language in it. So I have made a playlist just for the week and have been surviving off it. Kind of hard since I only have 155 songs out of 678 that are acceptable to my challenge, but heck-I've made it half a week!!

The S.P.A.M. challenge!

No, it isn't a can of fish...it stands for Spiritual Preparation for A God Moment. Something like that-I got the idea from this study I am doing in the Prayer of Jabez. This girl apparently takes one week off from secular music and movies. Now for me thats a bit hard, considering the movies and music I own all have something in them that would definitely get me off track from this goal. Soooo I want to attempt it for 7 days. This (Sunday the 20th of March) is my first day. I love a challenge so why not?? :D