Just do it!! lol day 1 of week 1 :P

So lately I've just been feeling like I'm so set in my ways that there's no possible way that I'm going to really be able to change. But I know that's just a lie from the pit cause if I were to give everything my best, there's no telling all that I could learn, accomplish, where I could go, how many people I could help, and what all I could do for God. I think if I'm downright honest with myself, I'm just scared. Scared of things never really changing and always failing. But something I'm learning is its all about how you see things-its not really failure if you learn from and grow from it. I have a couple really bad habits that I'm going to attempt breaking this week-1. Thinking about everything to the point where I never actually act on my ideas, but rather just over analyze everything until I eventually either talk myself out of doing things or I just wait till I figure everything out before I take another step. 2. Procrastinating about everything that seems hard or risky. 3. Making excuses for why I can't do things and 4. letting fear stop/hold me back from really doing anything. I really think I actually know what I need to do but just feel like what's the point. Fact is I don't actually know cause again with brutal honesty..I usually try something maybe 5 times tops before just giving up. And then I try the same thing in the same way 2 years later. Gosh that sounds so sad when I think about it. I keep telling myself that no one can possibly have as good a reason as I for not being able to move forward. But honestly..in a way if I hold fast to those thoughts..I'd pretty much be letting the no-sayers be right. All the people who told me to settle, who told me that I could never make it...if I never move forward they will be right. So yep I admit to the public that I have felt like giving up lately but then I know that the genuine honest to goodness Kallayah just can't give up. She fights to the end and doesn't give up when one little thing goes wrong. The main thing is at the end of the day I want to be able to say that I've given everything my best shot. I'm not content with staying here-this town, this place of life etc..for the rest of my life. I'm content for now, yeah. But I don't want to still be in this city doing the same things 2 years from now, Lord willing that this world is still around. I want to either be starting college or in college. I want to live near or in Seattle on my own for at least a couple months. I want to have a better job, a church that I can call my own, a man that loves me that I'm crazy about..you name it. Right now that's my dream. So if nothing else, I hope this maybe inspires at least one person out there that thinks maybe they're alone and that they'll never make it. I promise you, you can do anything you set your mind to do as long as it's God's will and if its not-God says yes which gives us what we want, no which gives us something better, and wait which gives us the best. I've probably said that before but its so true. So if you feel the same as I, we're in this together and we can go conquer the world. We really can! So even if this is the only week I try this little "plan" of giving everything my best shot, I'm going to do it. :)