Dare to Dream

Something that I've been thinking lately, is how hard it is for me to really let myself be FREE. Free to be me, free to dream. I think I've just been so used to being boxed in, being shown how things were going to be etc..that I just am not used to the fact that I can go near anywhere do anything that I could imagine. In the past week or so..I feel like these really difficult decisions have been presented..and I'm not sure how I'm liking things so far. I feel like every time I try to make a valuable decision, it either turns out not to matter, or it turns out that I feel miserable or something. While I know that's not always the case, it seems that is the majority of things go. I have these dreams of college..and of the difference that I want God to make through me being his hands and feet..but then I think I'm just not used to dreaming so big and having things turn out, so I make excuses and dont put myself out there. It's official that my sister is leaving for Canon Beach to work there for the summer, in about 13 days and its definitely a motivation for me to go out there and meet life with reckless abandon. It's a little funny and odd..but I saw this picture of a tattoo on a wrist that actually looked like mine and it said: Dare to Dream. I was thinking how really, that's my life motto. I live to dream big and allow God to use those big dreams to do big things for him. But at the same time I was thinking of how long ago it's been that I've let myself truly dream and be fully myself. Probably my junior year of high school. For those of you who know me pretty well..you know what has gone down since then..but those situations, though they helped make me stronger, yes..I think in some ways I compromised who I was to get the attention and "love" of someone that never loved me never cared really what i sacrificed. Kinda reminds me of the Notebook, where Ally finally realized that all along she had always liked to paint..but she had forgotten cause she hadn't been her true self for a while. Her true love..was what brought that true "self" to life in the first place..and who inspired her to bring it back to life later on. I feel like the person that I care for deeply (I'm sure they know who they are haha at least I hope they do) has really brought out that in me..the real me that I have kept hidden for a long time. Now that the people in my past are gone..I have felt a freedom like none other, and finally starting to go for the things that I've always wanted and realized things that I always tried to brush off..and now that I finally see those things, I'm scared. Only time will tell how everything will turn out..but I know how I'd like to see this all play out, roughly. I have always said that unless a person is giving their all to something..they shouldn't complain. So i want to start really giving God my everything first and give it some time before I start worrying about anything. Yeah..I've been feeling unsure and kinda down even, but I think its mostly because all of this is becoming so real I can almost taste it. I dont know if any of this makes sense..but my hope is that if anyone out there is reading this, feels unsure about their future and relates to some of the other things I've mentioned..that they can be encouraged in knowing they are not alone. I actually think that sometimes the devil likes to discourage us when he knows that we can do big things..maybe bigger than what we realize. Maybe that's whats happening with you and also with me, but I hope we always realize that we dont have to do this alone and that God can help us overcome any obstacles that come our way. We got this one with his strength, anything is possible! :)

Would You Go with me...

I feel like so much always happens in between all my posts and then I end up writing a novel haha! Once again..lots of news to share, and I'm not sure if some of it I've already written about so bear (sp?) with me! :)
First..I think I might've mentioned that my dad is now doing college which is definitely crazy and different but I'm so proud of him and already he's been telling me about some of his ideas for what he's going to do after he graduates so i hope that all of his dreams come to pass! We still haven't heard anything as to whether or not he got the job in North Carolina..though we will most likely know in June. I want to have a willing heart towards whatever God has for my family..and if I'm included in the move, then even more so as at the moment I don't feel that is where I'm being called but God doesn't always work how we think..often it turns out far better than we ever imagined. So either way I know that everything will work out in the end. :)
With my sister..not only did she pass her SAT, but she also got accepted at the university that she wants to attend..both events being things we never expected and if you know my family you know why haha. ;) We were all excited for her..and just this week she also had an interview and got a job to work at Canon Beach. My mom is already anticipating the day that my sister leaves lol! Not sure yet as to when she will be leaving..but it's looking like May or possibly even next month.
New in my life..I like to leave things a mystery especially for those who know me haha..but my hair is now 4-6 inches shorter and it all happened by accident but it's not half bad actually haha.
For me in the area of college and jobs...had a job offer for next week but going to see how that goes..and its a one time thing rather than a regular ongoing job. I'm thankful for everything I get though and so happy that I might be starting my own business soon but we'll have to see hah. Definitely going to try to work a lot more since I do really want to go to college soon ish. I have just really been feeling like maybe God is calling me overseas..and to possibly even go to a school that is through a mission organization that I was part of in high school. Right now that's all I will say about that since nothing is for sure on that yet. I just feel that every where I look..there is something to remind me and just ignite something in my heart towards missions. I just cant put into words what it is. I feel as though if I were to go to this school...and go on with what I feel like I might be called to..that it would honestly be my biggest dream come true. If any of you read this and feel so lead..any prayers would be much appreciated as this is something that I want to be absolutely sure of and would love for it to all work out if it's God's plan for me. I just don't want to be too hasty, and go for the wrong reasons. I do feel like this could all work out but at the same time I dont want to just be imagining it and I dont want to wait forever waiting for a zap of lightning figuratively speaking..in order to know that this might be what I'm suppose to do. Thanks so much!!
I think that's it for now on the updates..there were some other things that I have learned this week in my devos that I want to share but definitely want to write more on it when I have time to do so haha. Thank you so much for taking your time to read this and many of my other blogs..I love you all and hope you have a great night or day..wherever this post finds you! :)