Hey friends!!
Have you ever had a moment where you find a second to reminisce on how far you've come in life? I'm sure you're a lot like me, in that pretty much the ONLY time we are able to find to actually look back and enjoy past memories is every Thursday. Ya know, when everyone on Instagram and Facebook bring their "throwbacks" out. Lol. :)
Well, just this past week, I felt like there was a theme on looking back...both with remembering all the fun and beautiful moments that I've gotten to experience over the years, and realizing that I need to take the lessons and keep applying them to my life in order to keep making progress in my life. I think often, we don't make it a priority to find time to think back on the past because for some, it can be painful or we just think it's going to take a lot of time. I have to say though, when I notice something popping up in different places in my life, I know that I need to pay attention to it.
I was asked some questions that I'd like to share that relates to this theme: What was your life like this time last year? Where were you and what were you doing? What has God shown you since then?
For me, I was in a really broken and confused place. I was also in a place where I was seeking answers for what was next in my life, since it had been a few months of being home after graduating the university I went to. I think that for the most part, I thought I was doing alright. What I didn't know, was that God was about to weed out a lot of toxic things and relationships from my life. The whole month of March was extremely emotional for me. For those of you who might not know me well, I'm not much of a crier. My thought is that unless it looks like there's absolutely no hope left for your situation, you need to just rest in God's peace and let him take whatever your worries are. So, I probably on average, cry about 3 times max in a whole month. Which as you can imagine, isn't really that much for a girl haha. Anyway, from the last week of February till the second week in April, I literally cried just about every day. The thing you have to understand though, is that even those rare times that I do cry, it's just soft tears falling down my face. However, during that period of time it was full on sobbing. The thing that was most frustrating to me, was that I had NO idea what was wrong or why I was so sad. I just sensed that something wasn't right. Around that exact time, I came across a book by a favorite author (Robin Jones Gunn) that had a story about a character who's story was very similar to my own. Like me, this main character almost never cried unless it was serious. Then, she entered a season where she would just burst into violent tears nearly every day for about a month. She had godly friends looking out for her, and they were telling her how that often, when we're emotional and cant understand why, it's most likely because God needs to do some cleansing in our souls. Tears aren't always a bad thing, in fact they actually cleanse our souls so that we can see ourselves and others more clearly. Sometimes if there's some healing or cleansing that needs to happen that we might be unaware of, God will bring it about in our lives. This made complete sense to me and although I still didn't like the fact that I was crying uncontrollably for pretty much a month straight, I felt comfort in knowing there wasn't anything wrong with me and that God was definitely doing something.
Looking back now, I KNOW that God was working on me. He was preparing me for deep loss and character growth. He showed me so many things about myself that were not pleasant but I realized how thankful I was that he loved me enough to do that for me. In helping me see my mistakes, I was able to make the changes needed to be and do better. He also showed me that he was trying to not only weed out the unhealthy habits and mindsets, but also weed out other toxins in my life. Some of you may know that I was involved in a really unhealthy relationship at that time last year. I ended up learning that the very thing I thought I wanted most was the complete opposite in reality from how it appeared. That person wasn't at all who I thought, and I had found myself falling further and further from the Lord as a result of mistakes and bad choices I made in that relationship. In the past when God would take away a friendship or relationship, I would fight it. I'd get mad at God and accuse him of not caring enough to let me be happy. I realized how the things that I thought were making me happy really weren't what was best for me and would've ended up causing way more pain than the joy I thought would come as a result of those relationships. This time however, I really saw so clearly that it was BECAUSE God loved me so much, that he was taking these people out of my life. It hurt a lot, but I knew it was necessary for me to grow and become the woman he wants me to be. I have never known so much pain in a long time, if ever, but I can say that it made me so much stronger and wiser. I learned to love in a way that was deeper than I ever thought possible as a result of facing the pain that I experienced. God showed me way too much of his faithfulness for me to ever doubt his goodness. We don't have to understand why God allows things for us to trust that he really does have our best interest in mind. He knew way better than I did what would ultimately make me happy and would bless me the most.
Something else God showed me, is that way too often when I'm having a hard time, I go to my close friends for answers instead of God. Yes, friends are essential and it's good to have support and accountability, but if anything is taking God's place, it's unhealthy. God allowed me to experience a really lonely time just so I would realize how much I needed HIM above anything and anyone else. He needed to be enough for me, and I don't think I would've seen that if everyone I was close to was around actively in my life at that time.
Today: I'm still not perfect and still don't really know what's next for me, but I've learned to try to be as faithful as I can to the things God put in front of me right now and trust that he has a good plan for my future. I don't need to know the answers. I'm learning just how important it is for God to truly be the core of our lives. I've already mentioned in past posts that I idolized marriage and relationships for most of my life, but for the first time around Christmas time, God helped me learn how to let go and stop looking. Wouldn't you know it, after I finally stopped trying to find someone...an incredible man walked into my life. I don't know where things are going to go, but I feel a peace that I've never had before in past relationships. It's a scary thing not knowing if the past might repeat itself, but I don't fear because I truly believe God is looking out for me! I'm wanting to keep my eyes on God in this relationship...I don't want to seek love, my value, or happiness in any other person more than I seek those things in the Lord. As I mentioned before, when we're with the right person God has for us, we WILL be valued, loved, and happy (content). But we shouldn't ever look to anyone other than God for the main source of those things. I'm excited to share with y'all what God does with this relationship as well as the other areas of my life, in the days to come! All in all though, I hope that this encourages you to take a look back and see how far you've come too. The past might be painful, but it doesn't define us unless we let it. Let it inspire you to be better in the future, to love deeper, and to treasure every moment and every person you hold dear in your life.
Be blessed, friends! ~Kallayah :)
Monday, March 2, 2015
Monday, February 23, 2015
Here In The Waiting
Hey friends!!
I don't know about you, but it seems like so many people (myself included) are in a season of waiting. Is there something you're waiting for? Maybe it's waiting to graduate college, maybe you're hoping for a good result with a family member who has health issues. Maybe you're waiting for that person you feel God has promised He'd provide in the relationship of marriage. Whatever it is, I know that often it can be really hard to just wait and trust that God has it all. Something I've found to be true in the past, is that I would try to make whatever it was I was waiting for, take place on my own. As if maybe God isn't really as trustworthy as I want to believe. As if maybe he doesn't really care as much about my hopes and dreams as I do. We all know that in reality, he cares way more than we ever could...we just have a hard time letting that become a belief in our hearts rather than a knowledge that stays in our heads. I know I touched on this a little bit in the last post, but for me, I would say that marriage has been the biggest dream that I've been waiting for. I didn't realize this, but up until about a year ago, everything I did seemed to be centered around this dream. I wanted to become the best woman I could be with the hopes that in doing so, I would make my husband happy and in turn he would make me happy. Then, I would be loved and valued as well as happy for the rest of our lives together. It never really occurred to me that although yes, marriage is a huge part of our lives and God wants to use our marriage to reach other people for him, it isn't the only reason we were born. We weren't created JUST to make our future spouse happy. And no person can determine our worth or how loved we truly are, and yet whether or not we're conscious of it, we try to alter ourselves with hopes that people will love us more and then wonder why we're so unhappy.
In the end, I came to realize that I was way more focused on marriage and finding someone than I was about where I stood with the Ultimate Lover of my soul. God wasn't enough for me, and I think that played a big part in why I kept getting into relationships with guys who didn't have the same values I had. I had good values in my mind, but I wasn't living it out. I didn't realize that when you believe something, it cant and shouldn't stay in your head, it should lead to your heart changing, which will result in your actions changing. I really didn't trust God enough to take care of my heart, so I was ok with being with guys that seemed to accept me, even though they really didn't value me the way a future husband or wife should value the person they're married to. I'm sure most of us have heard this: "Oh you'll just know when it's right." Or, "Once you stop looking, it will literally come out of the blue." That's all well and good for everyone who has already reached that spot, whether it's with a job, a baby, a house, or getting married. But what about those of us who aren't at that place yet? We ask ourselves how we will know and we fret about it in everything we do. You know what though? The thing that those people know, that most of us don't seem to understand yet, is the beauty of surrender. They're not still trying to figure things out. They don't have to know the future to be resting in God's peace and they are so contagiously content it drives the rest of us crazy lol. I saw this to be true with one of my best friends: She and her husband have been dreaming of starting a family since they've been married for a while, but they kept worrying and trying to make it happen all on their own. I truly believe that they really thought they trusted God, but my best friend told me that thinking you trust God and living like you actually DO trust him are two different things. Funny enough, once they surrendered their dream to God and trusted him for the timing, they found out they were expecting a baby. One of my other good friends was waiting and praying for a husband, and once she finally let go and stopped looking and worrying about everything, she found someone incredible that surpassed her dreams. The point of this blog, is to hopefully encourage and inspire you to believe that God really cares and is so much more committed to your future than you are! I have a few things I'm waiting for, and yeah I do still wonder how everything is going to turn out. But ya know what? God has been so much more than faithful in taking care of me in the past. He has literally rescued me from places that would've really hurt me. It's hard to trust someone we cant physically see or touch, but he isn't like any other person that we've ever known or could know. He wont ever let us down, and if you have a dream that just wont go away, maybe just trust that when the time is right, God will work that dream out in a way that will totally astound you. I am honestly so grateful that God didn't do things the way I thought was best or the way I thought I wanted! I found a great song with lyrics that really hit home on this topic, and I sincerely hope that it encourages you too:
What will it look like? What will it be like? When my world turns out like you planned. When will I get there? Feels like I'm nowhere. My dreams are like dust in my hair. But I, I know.
That this is the waiting. I anxiously wait. 'Cause I hold on to love that will never let go. And in these times that my patience is tested, won't you remind me that I'm not home?
Here in the waiting. The waiting. The waiting.
All of the questions, secret confessions, Lord, You'll make sense of it all. And I know it's hard, so I'm letting go of these thoughts that are taking control.
That this is the waiting. I anxiously wait. I hold on to love that will never let go. And in these times when my patience is tested, won't you remind me that I'm not alone?
And in these times that my patience is tested, You are the love that will never let go.
So I'll be here waiting, believing you'll never let go.~The Waiting, Jamie Grace
The only thing I can really say, is that the more we let go and fully surrender to what God has for us, the more we're going to be amazed and the more he will show himself to us. I think it really boils down to trusting God more and choosing to not worry about things that aren't and cant be in our hands anyway. So that dream, that thing that you're waiting for? I encourage you to release it into God's hands and then watch what he does. Chances are, if it's a dream that God didn't give, he will replace it with a dream that will be so much better. And, if it IS a dream from Him, he is going to water it and make it bloom into something so much bigger and brighter than you ever thought possible. Live in hope tonight, friends. :)
Blessings, Kallayah
I don't know about you, but it seems like so many people (myself included) are in a season of waiting. Is there something you're waiting for? Maybe it's waiting to graduate college, maybe you're hoping for a good result with a family member who has health issues. Maybe you're waiting for that person you feel God has promised He'd provide in the relationship of marriage. Whatever it is, I know that often it can be really hard to just wait and trust that God has it all. Something I've found to be true in the past, is that I would try to make whatever it was I was waiting for, take place on my own. As if maybe God isn't really as trustworthy as I want to believe. As if maybe he doesn't really care as much about my hopes and dreams as I do. We all know that in reality, he cares way more than we ever could...we just have a hard time letting that become a belief in our hearts rather than a knowledge that stays in our heads. I know I touched on this a little bit in the last post, but for me, I would say that marriage has been the biggest dream that I've been waiting for. I didn't realize this, but up until about a year ago, everything I did seemed to be centered around this dream. I wanted to become the best woman I could be with the hopes that in doing so, I would make my husband happy and in turn he would make me happy. Then, I would be loved and valued as well as happy for the rest of our lives together. It never really occurred to me that although yes, marriage is a huge part of our lives and God wants to use our marriage to reach other people for him, it isn't the only reason we were born. We weren't created JUST to make our future spouse happy. And no person can determine our worth or how loved we truly are, and yet whether or not we're conscious of it, we try to alter ourselves with hopes that people will love us more and then wonder why we're so unhappy.
In the end, I came to realize that I was way more focused on marriage and finding someone than I was about where I stood with the Ultimate Lover of my soul. God wasn't enough for me, and I think that played a big part in why I kept getting into relationships with guys who didn't have the same values I had. I had good values in my mind, but I wasn't living it out. I didn't realize that when you believe something, it cant and shouldn't stay in your head, it should lead to your heart changing, which will result in your actions changing. I really didn't trust God enough to take care of my heart, so I was ok with being with guys that seemed to accept me, even though they really didn't value me the way a future husband or wife should value the person they're married to. I'm sure most of us have heard this: "Oh you'll just know when it's right." Or, "Once you stop looking, it will literally come out of the blue." That's all well and good for everyone who has already reached that spot, whether it's with a job, a baby, a house, or getting married. But what about those of us who aren't at that place yet? We ask ourselves how we will know and we fret about it in everything we do. You know what though? The thing that those people know, that most of us don't seem to understand yet, is the beauty of surrender. They're not still trying to figure things out. They don't have to know the future to be resting in God's peace and they are so contagiously content it drives the rest of us crazy lol. I saw this to be true with one of my best friends: She and her husband have been dreaming of starting a family since they've been married for a while, but they kept worrying and trying to make it happen all on their own. I truly believe that they really thought they trusted God, but my best friend told me that thinking you trust God and living like you actually DO trust him are two different things. Funny enough, once they surrendered their dream to God and trusted him for the timing, they found out they were expecting a baby. One of my other good friends was waiting and praying for a husband, and once she finally let go and stopped looking and worrying about everything, she found someone incredible that surpassed her dreams. The point of this blog, is to hopefully encourage and inspire you to believe that God really cares and is so much more committed to your future than you are! I have a few things I'm waiting for, and yeah I do still wonder how everything is going to turn out. But ya know what? God has been so much more than faithful in taking care of me in the past. He has literally rescued me from places that would've really hurt me. It's hard to trust someone we cant physically see or touch, but he isn't like any other person that we've ever known or could know. He wont ever let us down, and if you have a dream that just wont go away, maybe just trust that when the time is right, God will work that dream out in a way that will totally astound you. I am honestly so grateful that God didn't do things the way I thought was best or the way I thought I wanted! I found a great song with lyrics that really hit home on this topic, and I sincerely hope that it encourages you too:
What will it look like? What will it be like? When my world turns out like you planned. When will I get there? Feels like I'm nowhere. My dreams are like dust in my hair. But I, I know.
That this is the waiting. I anxiously wait. 'Cause I hold on to love that will never let go. And in these times that my patience is tested, won't you remind me that I'm not home?
Here in the waiting. The waiting. The waiting.
All of the questions, secret confessions, Lord, You'll make sense of it all. And I know it's hard, so I'm letting go of these thoughts that are taking control.
That this is the waiting. I anxiously wait. I hold on to love that will never let go. And in these times when my patience is tested, won't you remind me that I'm not alone?
And in these times that my patience is tested, You are the love that will never let go.
So I'll be here waiting, believing you'll never let go.~The Waiting, Jamie Grace
The only thing I can really say, is that the more we let go and fully surrender to what God has for us, the more we're going to be amazed and the more he will show himself to us. I think it really boils down to trusting God more and choosing to not worry about things that aren't and cant be in our hands anyway. So that dream, that thing that you're waiting for? I encourage you to release it into God's hands and then watch what he does. Chances are, if it's a dream that God didn't give, he will replace it with a dream that will be so much better. And, if it IS a dream from Him, he is going to water it and make it bloom into something so much bigger and brighter than you ever thought possible. Live in hope tonight, friends. :)
Blessings, Kallayah
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Spoken For
Hey friends!!
In my last post, I was sharing with you some ways that we can show love to others. I talked about how often in life, the things that we're given are for us to use, but after that we are to share those things with others so they can be blessed as well. :)
In this post, I really feel like I should share something specifically for those of my friends that are either single, or dating. The thing I'm learning, is that whether or not the topic of dating is even on our radar, it really helps to always be intentional about becoming our best selves. Not necessarily JUST for the other person, but because life is so much more than just about ourselves.
My question for us all, is WHY do we date? My opinion is that if we're just dating because we're alone, want to be loved, or just cause we're attracted to someone, we might not be ready to date yet. I think that with dating, we should at least know the person well enough that we know we see potential in the possibility in marriage, and we want to pursue that potential with them. It's not a guarantee that it will result in marriage, but it's the intention of seeking the Lord as you move forward with that person into the future. So many people think that it's good to date for experience, when really all that does is get you confused and you end up giving of yourself the part of you that should be saved for the person you marry. If you don't know them well enough to know if you see potential for something serious, then definitely try to take the time to get to know them better! I really think part of the reason so many relationships end so fast, is because we're all afraid that the other person wont be patient enough to go through the process of getting to know each other.
This may sound a little weird, given this is about love and marriage, but bear with me: I personally don't believe there is such a thing as a soul mate. Why? Because marriage is something God created just for earth, to reflect more of who he is through a husband and a wife. So, the idea that we are soul mates doesn't really work since it doesn't last into eternity. Also, the idea that God would create someone JUST for us...when I think about it, sounds kinda silly and selfish, only because that other person wasn't created only to make us happy, just like we weren't created just to marry that one person. We were created to be daughters and sons, sisters and brothers, a friend, mothers and fathers...and so many other roles. I am by no means saying that marriage isn't amazing, or that God doesn't care about who we spend the rest of our lives with. I'm sharing this, because in the past I used to think that God made someone just for me, and when you really believe thoughts like that you start to expect way too much from that person, and you get so attached that you lose your identity if they leave you either in death or by choice. We definitely are supposed to be united and love each other deeply, but if we're depending on any other person more than God, then we're going to be destroyed when their time in our life comes to a close. Something I realized was a habit of mine in past relationships, is that I depended on that other person for my happiness, to determine how loved I was, and I looked to them for my value. I really believe that in a healthy relationship, you WILL be happy (content), you WILL be loved, and you WILL be valued by them. But they shouldn't be the source that you ultimately seek those things from. If you're not looking to God first for those things, then that person is never going to be able to make you happy and you're unconsciously going to always be finding things wrong with them. I personally can understand how easy it is to look to people in our lives for those things...mostly because they are visible people that we can physically touch. With God, we just have faith pretty much and we cant visibly see or touch him. I cant tell you how much my life has changed for the better, by getting my focus off myself and others, and instead focusing on God. The reality is, we feel we can trust people more than God and we feel that we will get something more instant with people. I realized that when it came to life, I wanted to become my best self, so that someday I could make my future husband happy. And by making him happy, I would have a better marriage right? So really, my life was all about marriage and how I could find a way to be happy, loved, and valuable for the rest of my life. And I was basing most of that on what I did. So in the end, though I hated to admit it, I realized that marriage was an idol for my life and that my focus was so distorted.
I want to share with you some of the notes I've taken from one of my favorite speaker/authors who has so many profound things to say on the topic of marriage:
>> To the degree that we are honest, is the degree that we will be able to attract someone else who is also honest. If we lie about things we're interested in (or any other thing for any reason) out of fear they might not like us, that's not being honest, and it opens the door to other dishonest people to come into our life.
>>Don't crave acceptance so much that you stay with someone who isn't treating you well. So many of us would rather stay with someone who treats us poorly because they accept us, because we're so afraid of being alone.
>>Don't use the "It's not you, it's me" line ever again. If you're not interested in them, just say so. Don't use the God card
1) You are a person of great worth and potential:
Absorb that. You are designed and desired by God. You're not just some rejected person. BELIEVE this truth. God really has great plans for us. It's not up to some guy (or girl) to decide your worth. You really DO matter and God really DOES have a great plan for your life! You are someone worth a great guy or girl. You are uniquely crafted by God.
2) Remember that you're a work in progress:
God isn't finished with you yet. God is SO interested in the here and now. Salvation is so much more about what God does in our lives TODAY than it is about where we go when we die. God is interested in the process of us becoming everything he dreamed we'd be. That's what his thoughts are. You stand out on earth. The worst thing is not reaching the potential God had in mind for you. We need to step back and see that. You were the only person on earth on each of the dates you've been on. So, if it's not working out, it could be that the person that needs to change is you. And yes, sometimes the other person has issues too, but you need to be more concerned with where you are in your life. We need to be more concerned about becoming all God wants us to be, than about finding the right someone. God cares more about where our hearts are than about whether or not we find the right person. And usually, if our hearts are right with God, he will find someone who will exceed all our hopes.
Marriage lasts for earth, but who you become will be eternal.
3) The key to becoming is beginning:
The most important thing is becoming who God wants you to be, not in finding the person He has for you in marriage. The key to changing is in your relationship with God. Don't carry your guilt into a date, you are forgiven. Don't carry the rejection into the date, you are accepted and loved completely by God. You are alive spiritually, and you need to date someone who is also alive spiritually.
4) Life story tromps love story:
If you don't have a life story with the Lord that drew the two of you together, your love story wont hold you to the end. If God is in it, LET God be IN it. Let him lead your relationship. The only good way you can fall in love fast, is if you both have a REAL life story that's compatible. You both have to want Jesus more than anything and your stories should be the ultimate thing that brings you together. Unequally yoked isn't about denomination or believing in God. You need to be heading towards the same goal together. Is the person you're dating leaning his or her life towards God's will and are you as well? Your purpose will fuel your life. You need to be a part of God's story and be sure about truly being a part of it. If you meet someone and you both are in that story, your life stories can even trump your love stories and through the seasons of life and feelings of love, the life story will propel you forward. As long as you stay committed to that life story, your love story is going to be strong to the end. You need to have your own story with God, not look for a guy or girl to become part of their story. Purpose fuels everything and it will fuel who you marry and why.
~These notes are from the message: "I'm Just Not Into You" by Louie Giglio, on YouTube
I hope that these thoughts are able to bless you in some way and help shape the way you see dating and marriage, and even help you have a more fulfilling relationship, by helping you grow more in the ultimate relationship you have with God. <3
Blessings, Kallayah :)
In my last post, I was sharing with you some ways that we can show love to others. I talked about how often in life, the things that we're given are for us to use, but after that we are to share those things with others so they can be blessed as well. :)
In this post, I really feel like I should share something specifically for those of my friends that are either single, or dating. The thing I'm learning, is that whether or not the topic of dating is even on our radar, it really helps to always be intentional about becoming our best selves. Not necessarily JUST for the other person, but because life is so much more than just about ourselves.
My question for us all, is WHY do we date? My opinion is that if we're just dating because we're alone, want to be loved, or just cause we're attracted to someone, we might not be ready to date yet. I think that with dating, we should at least know the person well enough that we know we see potential in the possibility in marriage, and we want to pursue that potential with them. It's not a guarantee that it will result in marriage, but it's the intention of seeking the Lord as you move forward with that person into the future. So many people think that it's good to date for experience, when really all that does is get you confused and you end up giving of yourself the part of you that should be saved for the person you marry. If you don't know them well enough to know if you see potential for something serious, then definitely try to take the time to get to know them better! I really think part of the reason so many relationships end so fast, is because we're all afraid that the other person wont be patient enough to go through the process of getting to know each other.
This may sound a little weird, given this is about love and marriage, but bear with me: I personally don't believe there is such a thing as a soul mate. Why? Because marriage is something God created just for earth, to reflect more of who he is through a husband and a wife. So, the idea that we are soul mates doesn't really work since it doesn't last into eternity. Also, the idea that God would create someone JUST for us...when I think about it, sounds kinda silly and selfish, only because that other person wasn't created only to make us happy, just like we weren't created just to marry that one person. We were created to be daughters and sons, sisters and brothers, a friend, mothers and fathers...and so many other roles. I am by no means saying that marriage isn't amazing, or that God doesn't care about who we spend the rest of our lives with. I'm sharing this, because in the past I used to think that God made someone just for me, and when you really believe thoughts like that you start to expect way too much from that person, and you get so attached that you lose your identity if they leave you either in death or by choice. We definitely are supposed to be united and love each other deeply, but if we're depending on any other person more than God, then we're going to be destroyed when their time in our life comes to a close. Something I realized was a habit of mine in past relationships, is that I depended on that other person for my happiness, to determine how loved I was, and I looked to them for my value. I really believe that in a healthy relationship, you WILL be happy (content), you WILL be loved, and you WILL be valued by them. But they shouldn't be the source that you ultimately seek those things from. If you're not looking to God first for those things, then that person is never going to be able to make you happy and you're unconsciously going to always be finding things wrong with them. I personally can understand how easy it is to look to people in our lives for those things...mostly because they are visible people that we can physically touch. With God, we just have faith pretty much and we cant visibly see or touch him. I cant tell you how much my life has changed for the better, by getting my focus off myself and others, and instead focusing on God. The reality is, we feel we can trust people more than God and we feel that we will get something more instant with people. I realized that when it came to life, I wanted to become my best self, so that someday I could make my future husband happy. And by making him happy, I would have a better marriage right? So really, my life was all about marriage and how I could find a way to be happy, loved, and valuable for the rest of my life. And I was basing most of that on what I did. So in the end, though I hated to admit it, I realized that marriage was an idol for my life and that my focus was so distorted.
I want to share with you some of the notes I've taken from one of my favorite speaker/authors who has so many profound things to say on the topic of marriage:
>> To the degree that we are honest, is the degree that we will be able to attract someone else who is also honest. If we lie about things we're interested in (or any other thing for any reason) out of fear they might not like us, that's not being honest, and it opens the door to other dishonest people to come into our life.
>>Don't crave acceptance so much that you stay with someone who isn't treating you well. So many of us would rather stay with someone who treats us poorly because they accept us, because we're so afraid of being alone.
>>Don't use the "It's not you, it's me" line ever again. If you're not interested in them, just say so. Don't use the God card
1) You are a person of great worth and potential:
Absorb that. You are designed and desired by God. You're not just some rejected person. BELIEVE this truth. God really has great plans for us. It's not up to some guy (or girl) to decide your worth. You really DO matter and God really DOES have a great plan for your life! You are someone worth a great guy or girl. You are uniquely crafted by God.
2) Remember that you're a work in progress:
God isn't finished with you yet. God is SO interested in the here and now. Salvation is so much more about what God does in our lives TODAY than it is about where we go when we die. God is interested in the process of us becoming everything he dreamed we'd be. That's what his thoughts are. You stand out on earth. The worst thing is not reaching the potential God had in mind for you. We need to step back and see that. You were the only person on earth on each of the dates you've been on. So, if it's not working out, it could be that the person that needs to change is you. And yes, sometimes the other person has issues too, but you need to be more concerned with where you are in your life. We need to be more concerned about becoming all God wants us to be, than about finding the right someone. God cares more about where our hearts are than about whether or not we find the right person. And usually, if our hearts are right with God, he will find someone who will exceed all our hopes.
Marriage lasts for earth, but who you become will be eternal.
3) The key to becoming is beginning:
The most important thing is becoming who God wants you to be, not in finding the person He has for you in marriage. The key to changing is in your relationship with God. Don't carry your guilt into a date, you are forgiven. Don't carry the rejection into the date, you are accepted and loved completely by God. You are alive spiritually, and you need to date someone who is also alive spiritually.
4) Life story tromps love story:
If you don't have a life story with the Lord that drew the two of you together, your love story wont hold you to the end. If God is in it, LET God be IN it. Let him lead your relationship. The only good way you can fall in love fast, is if you both have a REAL life story that's compatible. You both have to want Jesus more than anything and your stories should be the ultimate thing that brings you together. Unequally yoked isn't about denomination or believing in God. You need to be heading towards the same goal together. Is the person you're dating leaning his or her life towards God's will and are you as well? Your purpose will fuel your life. You need to be a part of God's story and be sure about truly being a part of it. If you meet someone and you both are in that story, your life stories can even trump your love stories and through the seasons of life and feelings of love, the life story will propel you forward. As long as you stay committed to that life story, your love story is going to be strong to the end. You need to have your own story with God, not look for a guy or girl to become part of their story. Purpose fuels everything and it will fuel who you marry and why.
~These notes are from the message: "I'm Just Not Into You" by Louie Giglio, on YouTube
I hope that these thoughts are able to bless you in some way and help shape the way you see dating and marriage, and even help you have a more fulfilling relationship, by helping you grow more in the ultimate relationship you have with God. <3
Blessings, Kallayah :)
Friday, February 6, 2015
That One Day In February...
Hey, my friends!
I hope you all have been enjoying the beginning to this amazing new year and that you were able to finish 2014 strong! So many changes have taken place in such a short amount of time, it seems impossible to think that October was the last time I shared my heart on here!
I've noticed a theme in my life since my last entry: Giving. Unfortunately, around Thanksgiving and Christmas, it seemed that I was reminded time and time again just how Unthankful and not so giving I am. Kinda sobering to have a holiday emphasize the negatives that you need to work on, huh? I came to realize that it was SO easy for me to talk about all the things I was thankful for. Even came up with a big list, but what I didn't realize is that my actions weren't going together. I was thankful in words about the different things and opportunities I had, yet with my actions I didn't take care of the gifts, friendships, and other things I had claimed to be so grateful for. Christmas was a little better, cause God just really opened my eyes to the unpleasant things in myself, but I still kept thinking about all the things I wanted for myself, instead of how I could be giving to others. I'm not going to say that since then I am totally different, but I certainly have a more positive outlook that took a lot of patience and persistence on God's end!
I started to shift my focus from myself, and look around at all the ways that God was blessing me through the people he placed in my life. Then, I asked the question: what can I do to bless them? It sounds easy, but the challenge was to try to find personal ways to show each person what they meant to me and to actually take the time. I made handmade gifts this year which was super hard and took so much time! But my heart changed in the process because I would pray for each person while I was writing cards and making gifts. It was slowly but surely becoming more about others and God rather than myself. You've probably heard it said, that if you hear something two or three times, it could be that God is trying to get your attention with it. Well, I kept hearing the phrase that went along the lines of "Give some of what you've been given to others" The message at one of the Christmas Eve services I went to was about that same thing and that's when I knew that wasn't just an idea I came up with. It was something I was meant to apply.
Essentially, the message was saying how there are a few parts to really receiving a gift. You don't only take it, you really let it become part of who you are. Then, you're supposed to share it. We are meant to receive gifts so that we can really be blessed by them and grow through them, but a gift is never meant to just be taken and forgotten about. Each gift we have, we also get a responsibility that goes along with it; sharing it. As we share it, we are in a sense, giving it back to God as a form of worship.
I really feel like this coming year is going to be one of giving. So...why am I talking about giving exactly a week before Valentine's Day? I really firmly think that so often it seems to be a holiday that's more focused about who's in relationships. The day was originally set aside as a celebration of St. Valentine's life. It's not just for those couples that have finally found their team mate in life. It's for all of us, to really show the people we've crossed paths with, just how much they mean to us. The question for you and I to ponder, is how can we give something we've received to be a blessing to someone? It doesn't have to involve chocolate or money, although those things can make the gift a little more extravagant for sure. It could be time, it could be using something you're really good at in a way you might not have thought would matter to someone else. Anyway, these are just some thoughts I've been processing and I hope it helps you out a little bit with realizing that each thing you're given, is given for a reason. You matter, and God wants to show that the people in your life matter too...by using YOU to show them that. Love you guys!!
<3 Kallayah :)
I hope you all have been enjoying the beginning to this amazing new year and that you were able to finish 2014 strong! So many changes have taken place in such a short amount of time, it seems impossible to think that October was the last time I shared my heart on here!
I've noticed a theme in my life since my last entry: Giving. Unfortunately, around Thanksgiving and Christmas, it seemed that I was reminded time and time again just how Unthankful and not so giving I am. Kinda sobering to have a holiday emphasize the negatives that you need to work on, huh? I came to realize that it was SO easy for me to talk about all the things I was thankful for. Even came up with a big list, but what I didn't realize is that my actions weren't going together. I was thankful in words about the different things and opportunities I had, yet with my actions I didn't take care of the gifts, friendships, and other things I had claimed to be so grateful for. Christmas was a little better, cause God just really opened my eyes to the unpleasant things in myself, but I still kept thinking about all the things I wanted for myself, instead of how I could be giving to others. I'm not going to say that since then I am totally different, but I certainly have a more positive outlook that took a lot of patience and persistence on God's end!
I started to shift my focus from myself, and look around at all the ways that God was blessing me through the people he placed in my life. Then, I asked the question: what can I do to bless them? It sounds easy, but the challenge was to try to find personal ways to show each person what they meant to me and to actually take the time. I made handmade gifts this year which was super hard and took so much time! But my heart changed in the process because I would pray for each person while I was writing cards and making gifts. It was slowly but surely becoming more about others and God rather than myself. You've probably heard it said, that if you hear something two or three times, it could be that God is trying to get your attention with it. Well, I kept hearing the phrase that went along the lines of "Give some of what you've been given to others" The message at one of the Christmas Eve services I went to was about that same thing and that's when I knew that wasn't just an idea I came up with. It was something I was meant to apply.
Essentially, the message was saying how there are a few parts to really receiving a gift. You don't only take it, you really let it become part of who you are. Then, you're supposed to share it. We are meant to receive gifts so that we can really be blessed by them and grow through them, but a gift is never meant to just be taken and forgotten about. Each gift we have, we also get a responsibility that goes along with it; sharing it. As we share it, we are in a sense, giving it back to God as a form of worship.
I really feel like this coming year is going to be one of giving. So...why am I talking about giving exactly a week before Valentine's Day? I really firmly think that so often it seems to be a holiday that's more focused about who's in relationships. The day was originally set aside as a celebration of St. Valentine's life. It's not just for those couples that have finally found their team mate in life. It's for all of us, to really show the people we've crossed paths with, just how much they mean to us. The question for you and I to ponder, is how can we give something we've received to be a blessing to someone? It doesn't have to involve chocolate or money, although those things can make the gift a little more extravagant for sure. It could be time, it could be using something you're really good at in a way you might not have thought would matter to someone else. Anyway, these are just some thoughts I've been processing and I hope it helps you out a little bit with realizing that each thing you're given, is given for a reason. You matter, and God wants to show that the people in your life matter too...by using YOU to show them that. Love you guys!!
<3 Kallayah :)
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