Here In The Waiting

Hey friends!!

I don't know about you, but it seems like so many people (myself included) are in a season of waiting. Is there something you're waiting for? Maybe it's waiting to graduate college, maybe you're hoping for a good result with a family member who has health issues. Maybe you're waiting for that person you feel God has promised He'd provide in the relationship of marriage. Whatever it is, I know that often it can be really hard to just wait and trust that God has it all. Something I've found to be true in the past, is that I would try to make whatever it was I was waiting for, take place on my own. As if maybe God isn't really as trustworthy as I want to believe. As if maybe he doesn't really care as much about my hopes and dreams as I do. We all know that in reality, he cares way more than we ever could...we just have a hard time letting that become a belief in our hearts rather than a knowledge that stays in our heads. I know I touched on this a little bit in the last post, but for me, I would say that marriage has been the biggest dream that I've been waiting for. I didn't realize this, but up until about a year ago, everything I did seemed to be centered around this dream. I wanted to become the best woman I could be with the hopes that in doing so, I would make my husband happy and in turn he would make me happy. Then, I would be loved and valued as well as happy for the rest of our lives together. It never really occurred to me that although yes, marriage is a huge part of our lives and God wants to use our marriage to reach other people for him, it isn't the only reason we were born. We weren't created JUST to make our future spouse happy. And no person can determine our worth or how loved we truly are, and yet whether or not we're conscious of it, we try to alter ourselves with hopes that people will love us more and then wonder why we're so unhappy.

In the end, I came to realize that I was way more focused on marriage and finding someone than I was about where I stood with the Ultimate Lover of my soul. God wasn't enough for me, and I think that played a big part in why I kept getting into relationships with guys who didn't have the same values I had. I had good values in my mind, but I wasn't living it out. I didn't realize that when you believe something, it cant and shouldn't stay in your head, it should lead to your heart changing, which will result in your actions changing. I really didn't trust God enough to take care of my heart, so I was ok with being with guys that seemed to accept me, even though they really didn't value me the way a future husband or wife should value the person they're married to. I'm sure most of us have heard this: "Oh you'll just know when it's right." Or, "Once you stop looking, it will literally come out of the blue." That's all well and good for everyone who has already reached that spot, whether it's with a job, a baby, a house, or getting married. But what about those of us who aren't at that place yet? We ask ourselves how we will know and we fret about it in everything we do. You know what though? The thing that those people know, that most of us don't seem to understand yet, is the beauty of surrender. They're not still trying to figure things out. They don't have to know the future to be resting in God's peace and they are so contagiously content it drives the rest of us crazy lol.  I saw this to be true with one of my best friends: She and her husband have been dreaming of starting a family since they've been married for a while, but they kept worrying and trying to make it happen all on their own. I truly believe that they really thought they trusted God, but my best friend told me that thinking you trust God and living like you actually DO trust him are two different things. Funny enough, once they surrendered their dream to God and trusted him for the timing, they found out they were expecting a baby. One of my other good friends was waiting and praying for a husband, and once she finally let go and stopped looking and worrying about everything, she found someone incredible that surpassed her dreams. The point of this blog, is to hopefully encourage and inspire you to believe that God really cares and is so much more committed to your future than you are! I have a few things I'm waiting for, and yeah I do still wonder how everything is going to turn out. But ya know what? God has been so much more than faithful in taking care of me in the past. He has literally rescued me from places that would've really hurt me. It's hard to trust someone we cant physically see or touch, but he isn't like any other person that we've ever known or could know. He wont ever let us down, and if you have a dream that just wont go away, maybe just trust that when the time is right, God will work that dream out in a way that will totally astound you. I am honestly so grateful that God didn't do things the way I thought was best or the way I thought I wanted! I found a great song with lyrics that really hit home on this topic, and I sincerely hope that it encourages you too:

What will it look like? What will it be like? When my world turns out like you planned. When will I get there? Feels like I'm nowhere. My dreams are like dust in my hair. But I, I know.

That this is the waiting. I anxiously wait. 'Cause I hold on to love that will never let go. And in these times that my patience is tested, won't you remind me that I'm not home?

Here in the waiting. The waiting. The waiting.

All of the questions, secret confessions, Lord, You'll make sense of it all. And I know it's hard, so I'm letting go of these thoughts that are taking control.

That this is the waiting. I anxiously wait. I hold on to love that will never let go. And in these times when my patience is tested, won't you remind me that I'm not alone?
And in these times that my patience is tested, You are the love that will never let go.
So I'll be here waiting, believing you'll never let go.~The Waiting, Jamie Grace

The only thing I can really say, is that the more we let go and fully surrender to what God has for us, the more we're going to be amazed and the more he will show himself to us. I think it really boils down to trusting God more and choosing to not worry about things that aren't and cant be in our hands anyway. So that dream, that thing that you're waiting for? I encourage you to release it into God's hands and then watch what he does. Chances are, if it's a dream that God didn't give, he will replace it with a dream that will be so much better. And, if it IS a dream from Him, he is going to water it and make it bloom into something so much bigger and brighter than you ever thought possible. Live in hope tonight, friends. :)
Blessings, Kallayah