Spoken For

Hey friends!!

In my last post, I was sharing with you some ways that we can show love to others. I talked about how often in life, the things that we're given are for us to use, but after that we are to share those things with others so they can be blessed as well. :)
In this post, I really feel like I should share something specifically for those of my friends that are either single, or dating. The thing I'm learning, is that whether or not the topic of dating is even on our radar, it really helps to always be intentional about becoming our best selves. Not necessarily JUST for the other person, but because life is so much more than just about ourselves.

My question for us all, is WHY do we date? My opinion is that if we're just dating because we're alone, want to be loved, or just cause we're attracted to someone, we might not be ready to date yet. I think that with dating, we should at least know the person well enough that we know we see potential in the possibility in marriage, and we want to pursue that potential with them. It's not a guarantee that it will result in marriage, but it's the intention of seeking the Lord as you move forward with that person into the future. So many people think that it's good to date for experience, when really all that does is get you confused and you end up giving of yourself the part of you that should be saved for the person you marry. If you don't know them well enough to know if you see potential for something serious, then definitely try to take the time to get to know them better! I really think part of the reason so many relationships end so fast, is because we're all afraid that the other person wont be patient enough to go through the process of getting to know each other.

This may sound a little weird, given this is about love and marriage, but bear with me: I personally don't believe there is such a thing as a soul mate. Why? Because marriage is something God created just for earth, to reflect more of who he is through a husband and a wife. So, the idea that we are soul mates doesn't really work since it doesn't last into eternity. Also, the idea that God would create someone JUST for us...when I think about it, sounds kinda silly and selfish, only because that other person wasn't created only to make us happy, just like we weren't created just to marry that one person. We were created to be daughters and sons, sisters and brothers, a friend, mothers and fathers...and so many other roles. I am by no means saying that marriage isn't amazing, or that God doesn't care about who we spend the rest of our lives with. I'm sharing this, because in the past I used to think that God made someone just for me, and when you really believe thoughts like that you start to expect way too much from that person, and you get so attached that you lose your identity if they leave you either in death or by choice. We definitely are supposed to be united and love each other deeply, but if we're depending on any other person more than God, then we're going to be destroyed when their time in our life comes to a close. Something I realized was a habit of mine in past relationships, is that I depended on that other person for my happiness, to determine how loved I was, and I looked to them for my value. I really believe that in a healthy relationship, you WILL be happy (content), you WILL be loved, and you WILL be valued by them. But they shouldn't be the source that you ultimately seek those things from. If you're not looking to God first for those things, then that person is never going to be able to make you happy and you're unconsciously going to always be finding things wrong with them. I personally can understand how easy it is to look to people in our lives for those things...mostly because they are visible people that we can physically touch. With God, we just have faith pretty much and we cant visibly see or touch him. I cant tell you how much my life has changed for the better, by getting my focus off myself and others, and instead focusing on God. The reality is, we feel we can trust people more than God and we feel that we will get something more instant with people. I realized that when it came to life, I wanted to become my best self, so that someday I could make my future husband happy. And by making him happy, I would have a better marriage right? So really, my life was all about marriage and how I could find a way to be happy, loved, and valuable for the rest of my life. And I was basing most of that on what I did. So in the end, though I hated to admit it, I realized that marriage was an idol for my life and that my focus was so distorted.

I want to share with you some of the notes I've taken from one of my favorite speaker/authors who has so many profound things to say on the topic of marriage:

>> To the degree that we are honest, is the degree that we will be able to attract someone else who is also honest. If we lie about things we're interested in (or any other thing for any reason) out of fear they might not like us, that's not being honest, and it opens the door to other dishonest people to come into our life.

>>Don't crave acceptance so much that you stay with someone who isn't treating you well. So many of us would rather stay with someone who treats us poorly because they accept us, because we're so afraid of being alone.

>>Don't use the "It's not you, it's me" line ever again. If you're not interested in them, just say so. Don't use the God card

1) You are a person of great worth and potential:
Absorb that. You are designed and desired by God. You're not just some rejected person. BELIEVE this truth. God really has great plans for us. It's not up to some guy (or girl) to decide your worth. You really DO matter and God really DOES have a great plan for your life! You are someone worth a great guy or girl. You are uniquely crafted by God.

2) Remember that you're a work in progress:
God isn't finished with you yet. God is SO interested in the here and now. Salvation is so much more about what God does in our lives TODAY than it is about where we go when we die. God is interested in the process of us becoming everything he dreamed we'd be. That's what his thoughts are. You stand out on earth. The worst thing is not reaching the potential God had in mind for you. We need to step back and see that. You were the only person on earth on each of the dates you've been on. So, if it's not working out, it could be that the person that needs to change is you. And yes, sometimes the other person has issues too, but you need to be more concerned with where you are in your life. We need to be more concerned about becoming all God wants us to be, than about finding the right someone. God cares more about where our hearts are than about whether or not we find the right person. And usually, if our hearts are right with God, he will find someone who will exceed all our hopes.
Marriage lasts for earth, but who you become will be eternal.

3) The key to becoming is beginning:
The most important thing is becoming who God wants you to be, not in finding the person He has for you in marriage. The key to changing is in your relationship with God. Don't carry your guilt into a date, you are forgiven. Don't carry the rejection into the date, you are accepted and loved completely by God. You are alive spiritually, and you need to date someone who is also alive spiritually.

4) Life story tromps love story:
If you don't have a life story with the Lord that drew the two of you together, your love story wont hold you to the end. If God is in it, LET God be IN it. Let him lead your relationship. The only good way you can fall in love fast, is if you both have a REAL life story that's compatible. You both have to want Jesus more than anything and your stories should be the ultimate thing that brings you together. Unequally yoked isn't about denomination or believing in God. You need to be heading towards the same goal together. Is the person you're dating leaning his or her life towards God's will and are you as well? Your purpose will fuel your life. You need to be a part of God's story and be sure about truly being a part of it. If you meet someone and you both are in that story, your life stories can even trump your love stories and through the seasons of life and feelings of love, the life story will propel you forward. As long as you stay committed to that life story, your love story is going to be strong to the end. You need to have your own story with God, not look for a guy or girl to become part of their story. Purpose fuels everything and it will fuel who you marry and why.

~These notes are from the message: "I'm Just Not Into You" by Louie Giglio, on YouTube

I hope that these thoughts are able to bless you in some way and help shape the way you see dating and marriage, and even help you have a more fulfilling relationship, by helping you grow more in the ultimate relationship you have with God. <3
Blessings, Kallayah :)