Dare to Dream

Something that I've been thinking lately, is how hard it is for me to really let myself be FREE. Free to be me, free to dream. I think I've just been so used to being boxed in, being shown how things were going to be etc..that I just am not used to the fact that I can go near anywhere do anything that I could imagine. In the past week or so..I feel like these really difficult decisions have been presented..and I'm not sure how I'm liking things so far. I feel like every time I try to make a valuable decision, it either turns out not to matter, or it turns out that I feel miserable or something. While I know that's not always the case, it seems that is the majority of things go. I have these dreams of college..and of the difference that I want God to make through me being his hands and feet..but then I think I'm just not used to dreaming so big and having things turn out, so I make excuses and dont put myself out there. It's official that my sister is leaving for Canon Beach to work there for the summer, in about 13 days and its definitely a motivation for me to go out there and meet life with reckless abandon. It's a little funny and odd..but I saw this picture of a tattoo on a wrist that actually looked like mine and it said: Dare to Dream. I was thinking how really, that's my life motto. I live to dream big and allow God to use those big dreams to do big things for him. But at the same time I was thinking of how long ago it's been that I've let myself truly dream and be fully myself. Probably my junior year of high school. For those of you who know me pretty well..you know what has gone down since then..but those situations, though they helped make me stronger, yes..I think in some ways I compromised who I was to get the attention and "love" of someone that never loved me never cared really what i sacrificed. Kinda reminds me of the Notebook, where Ally finally realized that all along she had always liked to paint..but she had forgotten cause she hadn't been her true self for a while. Her true love..was what brought that true "self" to life in the first place..and who inspired her to bring it back to life later on. I feel like the person that I care for deeply (I'm sure they know who they are haha at least I hope they do) has really brought out that in me..the real me that I have kept hidden for a long time. Now that the people in my past are gone..I have felt a freedom like none other, and finally starting to go for the things that I've always wanted and realized things that I always tried to brush off..and now that I finally see those things, I'm scared. Only time will tell how everything will turn out..but I know how I'd like to see this all play out, roughly. I have always said that unless a person is giving their all to something..they shouldn't complain. So i want to start really giving God my everything first and give it some time before I start worrying about anything. Yeah..I've been feeling unsure and kinda down even, but I think its mostly because all of this is becoming so real I can almost taste it. I dont know if any of this makes sense..but my hope is that if anyone out there is reading this, feels unsure about their future and relates to some of the other things I've mentioned..that they can be encouraged in knowing they are not alone. I actually think that sometimes the devil likes to discourage us when he knows that we can do big things..maybe bigger than what we realize. Maybe that's whats happening with you and also with me, but I hope we always realize that we dont have to do this alone and that God can help us overcome any obstacles that come our way. We got this one with his strength, anything is possible! :)