Ok so I'm going to just throw some things out there-put myself on the spot so to speak :P
Learned this past week that I'm very insecure about my age/size in more ways than I realized.As in I look way younger than I am, and it's pretty much been like that for my whole life so you would think I'd be use to it but I'm not. Ever since creation I've kind of been shaken up a little cause people would meet me and be all like Oh you're 15/16 right! And I'm like noooo 20 actually lol. For the most part I don't have a problem cause I've been told that once I start talking they can figure out that I'm older than I look. But its just the first part after meeting people that I'm super shy. Idk if that even makes sense but it just makes me feel that I have to try harder to prove my self and I shouldn't have to. So that's one thing that I want to work on;my confidence. The odd thing is normally I'm super confident and nothing can bring me down but yeah ever since creation fest I've been more quiet than usual and it wasn't just one incident that made me feel inferior. The second thing that I have recently learned is that the things I do=who I am. And I know that's a lie from the devil but for some reason have been acting like it's a truth in my life. So since I feel like I haven't really been getting anywhere in my life lately I've been feeling like a no body as sad as that sounds lol. So I was like if what I do equals who I am, than why on earth would God want to love ME. It's not like I'm even doing anything wrong-I could understand God wanting to forgive people who fail and then turn things around. But me, I've had different things that I've known I need to work on-things that aren't that bad just habits that make it hard for me to accomplish much...and haven't been doing anything about it. It's like I sit and wait for life to happen to me, wait for my dreams to come true and do nothing to add my part in the deal. Something I learned though is that God truly is in love with me in spite of that, and that just makes me more passionate for him. I'm telling you, how can a woman not be moved by a man who is moved by her? :) It's the most beautiful thing and especially when you feel you don't deserve that kind of love...just motivates you to go out and love other people, and to actually make changes in your life. Something that I learned in one of my devotionals is that I need to receive from people in order to receive from God, and that's the one way I will be able to feel his love more. And receiving...for those of you who don't know this yet about me, is one of the hardest things for me to do cause I like to be independent and accepting things from others just makes me feel like I'm being a burden. SO dealing with these things;that's my mission for the rest of August and the majority of September. I know what I need to do, I just need to do it now. :P Night to all my peeps out there and I'll have more updates haha
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