Hi my friends!!
It's been such an incredibly long time since I've last blogged, and I'm trying to get back into it here soon! As many of you may know, from the months of April-October, I was involved with YWAM (Youth With A Mission), doing their DTS (Decipleship Training School) which is 6 months long. I'm going to try my best to update the page that I made specifically for my adventures through YWAM, but I wanted to share a special story from one of the days that I was on our dance/acting tour.
I really dont remember all the specifics, other than the fact that we were doing our second performance of the day. It already wasn't really the best of days for us since most of us were really tired, some of us were sick, and a lot of us were facing different attacks from the enemy. We knew that we'd be performing at a small theater in the local town that we were at, and we were told to expect about 100 people. It wasn't much, but it was something at least. In our minds, everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. We had next to no lighting because since it was a more modern theater, there wasn't a stage and therefore no stage lighting. There were about 30 of us performing and the room that we had to perform in was about twenty feet wide and five feet long. So you can get the picture that for a group that was dancing and acting...there really wasn't any room. The lighting that we had asked for wasn't available and the workers at the theater had to turn on the lights in the theater room since there weren't any spot lights like we had hoped and planned for. Every plan we had was falling apart. People were losing parts of their costumes because it was so dark and a lot of us had forgotten to bring our phones etc (especially since there wasn't any phone service, it just wasn't something we thought to take that day). So as you can imagine, LOTS of frustration, lots of tempers running high....it was a very stressful environment. I had thought I lost one of my costumes since a lot of us had the same exact thing. I also got a rip in one of my dresses, which weren't exactly the kinds of dresses you could easily replace. When it was about 20 minutes before and we were trying to get ready for the show...we heard that there would only be about 10 people there that night. One of the ladies that had been hosting us at the base, gave us a little pep talk and told us to remember that no matter what it looked like to us, we HAD to remember that it was really God we were performing for and that it wasn't really a matter of number of people that were there. We were freaking out a little bit because we knew that there would be some theater directors and pretty widely known (and super talented) actors coming to see us that night, and we also knew that they knew we weren't professional. Everything we had tried to do, and plan on to make things look as professional as possible, wasn't working. Right down to our costumes. That night....was our very worst performance we ever ended up having...and at the time, we were feeling really terrible because it was one of our first performances in our whole tour. Anyway, everything went wrong...the sound was off, the lighting was so dark you could barely see anything (which for any of you who have seen a peformance at a theater or know anything about theater life, you know lighting is key), our voices weren't cooperating, a lot of us messed up the dances, and the actors forgot some of their lines. It wasn't even that we were nervous, although that was a small part of it. It was mostly just that we were all having an off day, and the enemy was really getting to our minds and bodies. At the curtain call, we all bowed humbly and had been praying the whole time. But it was no use in our minds, because most of us felt so terrible for the nasty attitudes that we had towards each other, and in general...that we really didn't expect God to want to use us at all. Well, we started packing up and preparing just to go home when our school leader and base director came and told us that the famous theater director that had come...was in the other room and wanting to meet us. We slowly went out...and found a man in tears, and he was just shaking his head and told us that he had never seen anything like that in his life. He told us that it was "simply brilliant" and that he thought that the whole city needed to see our show and that he was going to try to put something similar together and get his actors and dancers to reenact the show. We were in total shock....how could something so terrible have such an influence on someone who was a professional in a field that we weren't? We all learned some huge lessons that day...one was that no matter what you do, if you think you're doing it all on your own...you're going to fail. It's when you give your very worst and most broken parts of your life to God...that he can do HUGE things through it. That's not to say that we should all go around making the biggest mistakes we can. But I wanted to share that with you guys to encourage you to remember who it is that gave you the dreams and gifts that you have. And never assume that God doesnt want the worst or the smallest things that you have to offer. Something else that I learned that kind of sounds like a no brainer...is that this world is broken. They dont care about the people that have it all together. They're not watching the most talented dancers. They're watching the people who are struggling, the people who aren't the best. They want to see if there's hope for them cause they know that if someone else who is broken can make it, so can they. Sometimes the most broken areas in our lives have the biggest influence and can be the biggest story God uses in someone's life. You never can tell what it will do in someone's heart. That's why you cant give up, and you cant ever assume the worst. I'm learning even still....a couple months after that night in the theater, to give God EVERYTHING. Dont be embarrassed because God already sent his Son to die for a freedom that we dont have to earn. I hope this story blesses you!!
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Monday, September 16, 2013
...He will transform and renew our minds
Hi everyone!!!
I dont even know where to begin on the things God has taught me the last few months, but I really firmly believe that its safe to say that when I left home, I was a girl. This time, I really believe that I'm going home a woman (or at least the beginning stages). God has really healed me of so many things that I dont think I would've even known about if I had done anything else in my life these past few months. The lessons haven't been easy; one thing thats been the hardest has been learning to love the unlovable. I've been learning that although its easy to love the people that are similar to you etc, there's nothing too special about that because anyone can love someone who's easy to love. Its when you can love the people who act in a way you have a hard time tolerating...that you know you're on the right path. God has been turning my mind inside out---just changing all the ways I think about life as well as the way I see myself. I've seen so many people come to the Lord, so many families wanting to restore relationships, so many miracles where people who couldn't walk or see were able to. These are things that I know I'll never forget, and I know God is going to work in mighty ways in the years to come just from the things he started through the team I've been a part of. This week, we were in Vegas and I learned SO much. I really believe God wants to turn that city around, and although I want to find time to write more about the experience, i want to just say right now that God really showed me through going to Vegas, that he still loves those people just as much as he loves us. Nothing makes us better,,,,and really when you think about it, the only difference is that we're not sinning as openly, and we've received God's grace. God has really just been breaking my heart more and more for the people that dont have Christ in their lives. As I'm getting closer to coming home (2 weeks exactly), I still dont really know for sure what God wants next for me. No idea what my ministry will be or anything like that. I just know that I'm not going back to how I was and I know too that I have a mission to help the lost. Some of us have been asking ourselves and each other why God has allowed us to perform at mostly churches and schools and most of the people we've been meeting already know about God etc. I kind of think its because even though yes God wants to reach the non-Christians, there are some people who know God who are utterly lost. I've been seeing more and more that even though it'd surprise you, Americans are some of the most lost people in the world. I say that because even with the other countries where you're not allowed to talk about God, most of the people are receptive. Americans on the other hand...most of us know ABOUT God's love. We just dont believe IN it. We're so numb and we cower behind walls that we've created. I really think that right now God wants to build up those people. He wants to change the church from being so denominational to something where as long as we all worship Him and have relationship with Him, thats really all that matters. It could be my generation, my kids, or my future grandchildren...but either way, God wants to build us up so we can be warriors for Him. We have such a big job and its not coincidence that we have the passions that we have. God wants to use those in us for His glory. We have to reject the lies of the devil though first. I have so much more that I'd like to share, but for now I'd just like to ask for your prayers. I want to finish school well and not just see this as the last few weeks, and therefore I can do whatever and have a lazy attitude. I'd like prayer that God would direct me to where I'm supposed to go when I get home/what I'm supposed to do. And prayer that God would finish the healing that he started in my heart and that I'd let him. Thank you guys SO much for supporting me and loving me through this journey! Thank you also for being patient and understanding about my internet situation with not being able to post as much as I'd like, and also for bearing with me when I do post something, since usually I'm exhausted. :) Love you all, Kallayah :)
I dont even know where to begin on the things God has taught me the last few months, but I really firmly believe that its safe to say that when I left home, I was a girl. This time, I really believe that I'm going home a woman (or at least the beginning stages). God has really healed me of so many things that I dont think I would've even known about if I had done anything else in my life these past few months. The lessons haven't been easy; one thing thats been the hardest has been learning to love the unlovable. I've been learning that although its easy to love the people that are similar to you etc, there's nothing too special about that because anyone can love someone who's easy to love. Its when you can love the people who act in a way you have a hard time tolerating...that you know you're on the right path. God has been turning my mind inside out---just changing all the ways I think about life as well as the way I see myself. I've seen so many people come to the Lord, so many families wanting to restore relationships, so many miracles where people who couldn't walk or see were able to. These are things that I know I'll never forget, and I know God is going to work in mighty ways in the years to come just from the things he started through the team I've been a part of. This week, we were in Vegas and I learned SO much. I really believe God wants to turn that city around, and although I want to find time to write more about the experience, i want to just say right now that God really showed me through going to Vegas, that he still loves those people just as much as he loves us. Nothing makes us better,,,,and really when you think about it, the only difference is that we're not sinning as openly, and we've received God's grace. God has really just been breaking my heart more and more for the people that dont have Christ in their lives. As I'm getting closer to coming home (2 weeks exactly), I still dont really know for sure what God wants next for me. No idea what my ministry will be or anything like that. I just know that I'm not going back to how I was and I know too that I have a mission to help the lost. Some of us have been asking ourselves and each other why God has allowed us to perform at mostly churches and schools and most of the people we've been meeting already know about God etc. I kind of think its because even though yes God wants to reach the non-Christians, there are some people who know God who are utterly lost. I've been seeing more and more that even though it'd surprise you, Americans are some of the most lost people in the world. I say that because even with the other countries where you're not allowed to talk about God, most of the people are receptive. Americans on the other hand...most of us know ABOUT God's love. We just dont believe IN it. We're so numb and we cower behind walls that we've created. I really think that right now God wants to build up those people. He wants to change the church from being so denominational to something where as long as we all worship Him and have relationship with Him, thats really all that matters. It could be my generation, my kids, or my future grandchildren...but either way, God wants to build us up so we can be warriors for Him. We have such a big job and its not coincidence that we have the passions that we have. God wants to use those in us for His glory. We have to reject the lies of the devil though first. I have so much more that I'd like to share, but for now I'd just like to ask for your prayers. I want to finish school well and not just see this as the last few weeks, and therefore I can do whatever and have a lazy attitude. I'd like prayer that God would direct me to where I'm supposed to go when I get home/what I'm supposed to do. And prayer that God would finish the healing that he started in my heart and that I'd let him. Thank you guys SO much for supporting me and loving me through this journey! Thank you also for being patient and understanding about my internet situation with not being able to post as much as I'd like, and also for bearing with me when I do post something, since usually I'm exhausted. :) Love you all, Kallayah :)
Thursday, June 13, 2013
On New Horizons
Hey everyone!! I know it's only been a couple days but I wanted to let you in on the latest that's been going on in my life! So some of you may know that I was needing to pay the rest of my ticket money for outreach. What happened, is the school paid the difference that I still owed and they were waiting for me to be able to pay them back so that the full amount would be turned in. Well up til yesterday, I just didnt have the funds I needed. My teacher asked me to pray about whether or not I felt I should go to outreach cause the school needed to make a decision...my teacher has really been so amazing! She has been so patient and trying her best to talk the school into waiting for me to get all the funds I need. They dont normally do that with students but yeah, yesterday was the deadline for the plane tickets. My class did a love offering though cause there were 3 of us that still needed funds, and all together we were able to raise around $6,000 just from my class!! I was about to get about $2,000 which covered the ticket amount!! I still have to have the rest (about a thousand more) by this Friday but I know that anything is possible and if God wants me to go, he will make it happen!! Today in class, my teacher asked us to think about the things we've learned since coming hear and something that we're still struggling with. I've really been learning so much while I've been here and I really can say that I know God on a whole other level. Something that I'm still struggling with is trusting God with my heart. When I say that, I'm not saying that in the context of "trust God with my whole heart" is if there is a lack of passion. It's more of trusting God to take CARE of my heart...that he will keep it safe. I think I'm really terrified because my heart has been so battered that its hard to really believe that maybe good things will be able to STAY in my life. I know that God really has the best in mind and I think the thing God has been teaching me is that sometimes it's not about knowing WHERE to go although that does seem to be a common theme in my life. Sometimes, it's about WAITING for the TIME for the direction that you may already have. I could be wrong, but I think I have a little idea of where God might want me to go after this (like right now it's not even 100% percent certain) but I think it might just be a matter of not the "where" but the "when" God would want me to move. Anyway, its been really hard trusting God to keep my heart safe. I trust him with the finances and the other things...those things aren't even really a big deal because I am absolutely confident but at the same time, I think the reason for that is I dont really feel like I have too much to risk and I know that I'll be ok one way or another. But with my heart, I could lose everything and I know for a fact that I wouldn't be ok for a long time if that was broken again. At the same time, I've heard people say things like "why would God let you be hurt like that when you're trying hard to seek His will in everything?" So I dont really know what to think other then me just trying to trust God. I think the other thing too that I'm worried about is the fact that we're not going to have much or any internet while we're gone, and I just have this thing where I want to be able to stay in contact with as many people as I can and I really dont like separation.
With getting ready to leave, there are so many things to do and lots of fundraising in between. We've been doing run-throughs and we're going to be performing next week...the first performance is going to be 20 minutes in the livestream of our worship service so remember that link I post every week? Look for that next week and you'll have a little tease for what our show will be like when we start touring soon. The only USA places we'll be are going to be LA and Vegas, so if you want to see us or are in/close to one of those areas, you'll get to see the whole thing! We're actually not allowed to post anything (videos) on facebook or other sites online so unless I send it to you directly, I cant show it to anyone. Anyway, some friends and I are working on a fundraiser video that we're going to try to post tomorrow. I would say that it's turning out really well especially since none of us really has professional training! Please continue to pray...that my heart needs will be taken care of and that I'll be able to stay in contact with all you guys. I believe that God will take care of me but sometimes it's hard not to let the enemy convince me otherwise. Thank you all for being there! Please also pray for me as I'm working on a new dance that I need to have perfect by next Thursday. Thank you guys so much, I love and miss all of you!! Blessings, Kallayah :)
With getting ready to leave, there are so many things to do and lots of fundraising in between. We've been doing run-throughs and we're going to be performing next week...the first performance is going to be 20 minutes in the livestream of our worship service so remember that link I post every week? Look for that next week and you'll have a little tease for what our show will be like when we start touring soon. The only USA places we'll be are going to be LA and Vegas, so if you want to see us or are in/close to one of those areas, you'll get to see the whole thing! We're actually not allowed to post anything (videos) on facebook or other sites online so unless I send it to you directly, I cant show it to anyone. Anyway, some friends and I are working on a fundraiser video that we're going to try to post tomorrow. I would say that it's turning out really well especially since none of us really has professional training! Please continue to pray...that my heart needs will be taken care of and that I'll be able to stay in contact with all you guys. I believe that God will take care of me but sometimes it's hard not to let the enemy convince me otherwise. Thank you all for being there! Please also pray for me as I'm working on a new dance that I need to have perfect by next Thursday. Thank you guys so much, I love and miss all of you!! Blessings, Kallayah :)
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