The Best Gifts in Life :)

This month has been a big and crazy one for me. A lot of you who know me really well already know this, but on the 12th of the month I went Christmas shopping with my mom at Clackamas Town Center. What I never thought of or expected to experience for that or any other day for that matter, were the potential last moments of my life. I was involved in a shooting that took place only a few feet away from where my mom and I were at. Some who weren't present that day might say that it was luck or a coincidence but I completely believe firmly that God saved my mom's and my life that day. I think this because 1) the shooter intended to kill all of us. He had three guns and plenty of magazines (the things that hold bullets). In fact, he was experienced with guns and one of them (the first one he used) was an automatic. Not only that, but he shot at least 60 times; the first being a warning and the rest were intended to get people. He wasn't shooting in random directions while screaming "you're all going to die" on purpose. For whatever reason (God) his gun kept missing 2) out of the hundred he was prepared to kill that day, only about 7 were shot and only 2 lost their lives. It may seem insignificant to anyone who wasn't there, but when you hear the facts you realize that it was a total miracle that only two lost their lives and the rest of us escaped. 3) the gunner's gun jammed when it had been working fine all the other times he had used it before that day and it jammed just in time for us to get out. 4) if this happened at any other mall my mom and I would've gone to that day, we wouldn't have been able to get away. 5) my mom and I almost chose to sit at a table that would've been 5 feet away from hi. 6) I had been wearing heals earlier that day and was planning to wear them to the mall but decided last minute to change into walkable shoes. Those things make me think God wanted me and the people there to be prepared. There were other facts too, but honestly it made me realize and truly understand in a new way that we have no say in how long we live. Only God does and only he can save us when we're in danger. I saw that often God protects us, not only physically but almost emotionally and spiritually and we almost never notice how many times he does that for us. We often think we're save and we never think that we might not make it to tomorrow or even the end of the current day. The fact is though, that one of these days, we wont get another tomorrow.I never thought I was at risk to dye young. I live a relatively safe life but something I know now more than ever is that if it's your time, it doesnt matter how safe you think you are, you'll leave this life. The flip side is true...that to matter how dangerous your life may be, if God isn't done with you yet, he WILL protect you. I started to see that there were things I thought I should worry about after what I expereiced didnt matter as much anymore and i was able to put things in better perspective. I saw that i really need to work harder in my relationships and dreams cause I knew that if I would've gone, that I wouldn't have been ready. I just the fact that I'm alive today is an amazing gift and I really hope and pray I never forget that awful day. I dont want to take any thing for granted. With the prediction of the end of the world and the shooting in Connecticut,I saw just how broken we are and how more now than ever we NEED TO RISE UP and tell people about God's love. It makes no difference if we have one more hour, day, week, month, year, or if there are decades before God comes back...or our lives end (whichever comes first). We need to live with the urgency that people need healing and God has given us what it takes to extend an invitation for people to experience that healing. If i didnt take it seriously, I do now. When you nearly lose your life and hear about dozens losing there's due to hurting and selfish people, it makes you see things way more differently. Life becomes more precious and even the bad days dont seem so bad cause you realize that at least you're alive and that all the hard times add to the person you;ll be come. Another huge gift I got was the opportunity to see my best friend after 2 years . We had such a fun time and although I'm saddened by the things that were gong on with both shootings that same week, I'm thankful for the time I got with her. I got to talk to my man a lot more too which I was s o thankful and really glad that we were able to talk more in depth. This Christmas, I'm blessed with life, a family, best friend I never though I'd have, a man who I love more deeply than I ever loved any other guy, and most importantly the love of an amazing savior who cares more than I could ever imagine. He gives me more chances then I deserve and delights in creating and bringing to reality dreams that are far more than I could ever come up with on my own. The gifts I received were meaningful and amazing but the things that really matter are far more valuable to me than any item anyone could ever purchase. Something I've seen this year too, is that the gifts from the heart are the most wonderful. Whether made or thought through greatly , no sticker could ever put a price on that and I am more blessed than I can comprehend. I hope you all were encouraged and that this makes some kind of impact in your life! God bless you this season. )

A Faith Like No Other

Hi everyone! I realize I just posted a huge long blog just a few minutes ago...but I just wanted to share with you the latest on what's happening with me this month of December 2012! :)
At this point I cant really give out too much info yet just cause this is something I'm still in the process of going through and not sure how or what is all going to take place. I will definitely keep you all posted when things are more final, but basically I feel like God is calling me to take a huge leap of faith into an unknown world. I have NO idea if this is going to work out or not, but I'm in the process of filling out an application for a school that I REALLY want to go to. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm not going to give out the details just yet because I just really feel like today is a day I need to trust God with those details. Anyway here is the info that I can share: I found this school about a year ago by accident. I was actually looking for a short term mission trip opportunity through an organization that I was a part of in high school. It was one of many that I was looking into, and I just found myself continuing to go back to that page. Anyway, through that I found this school that I want to go to which I had already heard of but wasn't sure what they even offered. So I go look and they had some stuff in the field of work that I'd want to do but still something was missing. About a month or so later, I decided I was going to look at more of the classes they offered and they had the exact one that I thought no one would have! I felt as though all the pieces were coming together, it was amazing cause for the first time in my life I felt like something made sense. Finally all the things I've ever wanted to do that I thought I'd have to separate, could fit into one magnificent thing. So I prayed about it and decided that since it was too late to apply, that if I still had a passion to go there when the time came THIS year, that I would take it as a sign and apply. So throughout the year, I made sure to look into information for dozens of schools as well as missions organizations and although I was open to the idea of finding something else, nothing really grasped my heart the same way. So a year later, here I am getting ready for the application process. I am pretty sure that the deadline is tomorrow and although I've been trying to get different things together, things keep seeming to go wrong so I'm not sure if that means that this is a closed door or just a few obstacles that the devil is trying to use to get me off track. So I'm pretty nervous cause there have been a couple other things in my life that I've filled applications for and never got accepted. For me there seems to be every reason for me not to be able to do this. I have important documents that are missing, or that I just dont have yet and I'm really worried that I wont be able to get everything in time. I'm trying to do all I can but I just fear that it wont be enough. So I guess this is going to be interesting to see how this all plays out because if this isn't a God thing, then I trust him to lead me to wherever it is that he wants me to go and if it is  a God thing, I know that this will work out. I just hate not knowing ha. :P 

What He leads you to, He will get you through

So to finish up for the month of October (since I'm majorly behind ha) God really blessed me with being able to take a trip up to Seattle to see my cousin for her birthday! It was actually something that helped me face one of my fears and meet a goal: Go on a long trip alone. I drove about an hour alone back in August and that was a first but was nothing compared to going on a train all by myself for 3-4 hours. I was so nervous but God totally worked everything out and at the last minute things came together. I was able to see someone very special to me that weekend as well...and I really feel as though we were able to come a lot closer! I hate to admit that I slacked for my studies for the rest of that month...but God still has been working things out for me.
Later that same month, I was able to go visit my sister at her college! I was also able to see my special man friend haha and his sister performed. It was soo encouraging to hear her story and the meanings behind the different songs that she did that night. I really felt so inspired and want to always remember the things I learned. :) I was actually able to talk to her a lot more than I was expecting to and although there are just some things that I cant share with the world at this time, I really am hopeful of the future and my talk with her really helped me get a glimpse of what could possibly be later down the road. I also got to know her a lot better and see her beautiful soul. :)
For the month of November, it was a really long and difficult month. Its a full month ago now so I honestly dont remember all of the goings on that took place...but I just remember that God really helped me learn to trust him more. I think something that I'm very happy to tell you all about...is that one of the most important lessons that He helped me learn..was how to let go and forgive. I plan (going to try ha) to write a piece on forgiveness soon...but basically in short, I've always found it pretty easy to forgive. No one has ever really hurt me in such a deep way that I wasn't eventually able to move on. But lately I've heard songs by Matthew West ("Forgiveness") and also the band Tenth Avenue North (their song called "Losing") in a new way. I've heard those songs countless times but lately they've come so alive to me. Something I've known for a while and just was afraid to act on...was the fact that you can SAY you forgave someone. But if you're still thinking and talking about it, even if you're talking to yourself about it (which I talk to myself a lot haha) you haven't fully forgiven that person. Letting it go and forgiving means you dont keep thinking about it, you dont keep holding those things against that person even if its only in your mind. I think so often we assume that it only counts if we actually DO something...but the thoughts are just as important if not more so. Anyway, there was this one thing in particular that I had the hardest time letting go of. And again I lied..I said I'd keep it short so I'll just save some of this stuff for another time, but I had something that had happened to me a while back..that only recently did I start realizing its true effect on me. It's hurt like none other and yet somehow God helped free me and helped me to forgive. I cant tell you how happy and free I feel now. :)
I took a really big step with that and also finally standing up for myself with something and I'm so thankful I did. The rest of the month was basically trusting God with things that made no sense, and he came through. I've been reading my Bible more lately and has been coming alive in my life. :) Also, my Aunt was here for about 2 weeks for Thanksgiving and my sister was able to come as well for a day! Finally caught up now..I hope maybe this helps encourage anyone out there that might read this and just know that God has a purpose for even the most confusing things in life. :) Thanks for your time!