So to finish up for the month of October (since I'm majorly behind ha) God really blessed me with being able to take a trip up to Seattle to see my cousin for her birthday! It was actually something that helped me face one of my fears and meet a goal: Go on a long trip alone. I drove about an hour alone back in August and that was a first but was nothing compared to going on a train all by myself for 3-4 hours. I was so nervous but God totally worked everything out and at the last minute things came together. I was able to see someone very special to me that weekend as well...and I really feel as though we were able to come a lot closer! I hate to admit that I slacked for my studies for the rest of that month...but God still has been working things out for me.
Later that same month, I was able to go visit my sister at her college! I was also able to see my special man friend haha and his sister performed. It was soo encouraging to hear her story and the meanings behind the different songs that she did that night. I really felt so inspired and want to always remember the things I learned. :) I was actually able to talk to her a lot more than I was expecting to and although there are just some things that I cant share with the world at this time, I really am hopeful of the future and my talk with her really helped me get a glimpse of what could possibly be later down the road. I also got to know her a lot better and see her beautiful soul. :)
For the month of November, it was a really long and difficult month. Its a full month ago now so I honestly dont remember all of the goings on that took place...but I just remember that God really helped me learn to trust him more. I think something that I'm very happy to tell you all about...is that one of the most important lessons that He helped me learn..was how to let go and forgive. I plan (going to try ha) to write a piece on forgiveness soon...but basically in short, I've always found it pretty easy to forgive. No one has ever really hurt me in such a deep way that I wasn't eventually able to move on. But lately I've heard songs by Matthew West ("Forgiveness") and also the band Tenth Avenue North (their song called "Losing") in a new way. I've heard those songs countless times but lately they've come so alive to me. Something I've known for a while and just was afraid to act on...was the fact that you can SAY you forgave someone. But if you're still thinking and talking about it, even if you're talking to yourself about it (which I talk to myself a lot haha) you haven't fully forgiven that person. Letting it go and forgiving means you dont keep thinking about it, you dont keep holding those things against that person even if its only in your mind. I think so often we assume that it only counts if we actually DO something...but the thoughts are just as important if not more so. Anyway, there was this one thing in particular that I had the hardest time letting go of. And again I lied..I said I'd keep it short so I'll just save some of this stuff for another time, but I had something that had happened to me a while back..that only recently did I start realizing its true effect on me. It's hurt like none other and yet somehow God helped free me and helped me to forgive. I cant tell you how happy and free I feel now. :)
I took a really big step with that and also finally standing up for myself with something and I'm so thankful I did. The rest of the month was basically trusting God with things that made no sense, and he came through. I've been reading my Bible more lately and has been coming alive in my life. :) Also, my Aunt was here for about 2 weeks for Thanksgiving and my sister was able to come as well for a day! Finally caught up now..I hope maybe this helps encourage anyone out there that might read this and just know that God has a purpose for even the most confusing things in life. :) Thanks for your time!
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