A Faith Like No Other

Hi everyone! I realize I just posted a huge long blog just a few minutes ago...but I just wanted to share with you the latest on what's happening with me this month of December 2012! :)
At this point I cant really give out too much info yet just cause this is something I'm still in the process of going through and not sure how or what is all going to take place. I will definitely keep you all posted when things are more final, but basically I feel like God is calling me to take a huge leap of faith into an unknown world. I have NO idea if this is going to work out or not, but I'm in the process of filling out an application for a school that I REALLY want to go to. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm not going to give out the details just yet because I just really feel like today is a day I need to trust God with those details. Anyway here is the info that I can share: I found this school about a year ago by accident. I was actually looking for a short term mission trip opportunity through an organization that I was a part of in high school. It was one of many that I was looking into, and I just found myself continuing to go back to that page. Anyway, through that I found this school that I want to go to which I had already heard of but wasn't sure what they even offered. So I go look and they had some stuff in the field of work that I'd want to do but still something was missing. About a month or so later, I decided I was going to look at more of the classes they offered and they had the exact one that I thought no one would have! I felt as though all the pieces were coming together, it was amazing cause for the first time in my life I felt like something made sense. Finally all the things I've ever wanted to do that I thought I'd have to separate, could fit into one magnificent thing. So I prayed about it and decided that since it was too late to apply, that if I still had a passion to go there when the time came THIS year, that I would take it as a sign and apply. So throughout the year, I made sure to look into information for dozens of schools as well as missions organizations and although I was open to the idea of finding something else, nothing really grasped my heart the same way. So a year later, here I am getting ready for the application process. I am pretty sure that the deadline is tomorrow and although I've been trying to get different things together, things keep seeming to go wrong so I'm not sure if that means that this is a closed door or just a few obstacles that the devil is trying to use to get me off track. So I'm pretty nervous cause there have been a couple other things in my life that I've filled applications for and never got accepted. For me there seems to be every reason for me not to be able to do this. I have important documents that are missing, or that I just dont have yet and I'm really worried that I wont be able to get everything in time. I'm trying to do all I can but I just fear that it wont be enough. So I guess this is going to be interesting to see how this all plays out because if this isn't a God thing, then I trust him to lead me to wherever it is that he wants me to go and if it is  a God thing, I know that this will work out. I just hate not knowing ha. :P 

What He leads you to, He will get you through

So to finish up for the month of October (since I'm majorly behind ha) God really blessed me with being able to take a trip up to Seattle to see my cousin for her birthday! It was actually something that helped me face one of my fears and meet a goal: Go on a long trip alone. I drove about an hour alone back in August and that was a first but was nothing compared to going on a train all by myself for 3-4 hours. I was so nervous but God totally worked everything out and at the last minute things came together. I was able to see someone very special to me that weekend as well...and I really feel as though we were able to come a lot closer! I hate to admit that I slacked for my studies for the rest of that month...but God still has been working things out for me.
Later that same month, I was able to go visit my sister at her college! I was also able to see my special man friend haha and his sister performed. It was soo encouraging to hear her story and the meanings behind the different songs that she did that night. I really felt so inspired and want to always remember the things I learned. :) I was actually able to talk to her a lot more than I was expecting to and although there are just some things that I cant share with the world at this time, I really am hopeful of the future and my talk with her really helped me get a glimpse of what could possibly be later down the road. I also got to know her a lot better and see her beautiful soul. :)
For the month of November, it was a really long and difficult month. Its a full month ago now so I honestly dont remember all of the goings on that took place...but I just remember that God really helped me learn to trust him more. I think something that I'm very happy to tell you all about...is that one of the most important lessons that He helped me learn..was how to let go and forgive. I plan (going to try ha) to write a piece on forgiveness soon...but basically in short, I've always found it pretty easy to forgive. No one has ever really hurt me in such a deep way that I wasn't eventually able to move on. But lately I've heard songs by Matthew West ("Forgiveness") and also the band Tenth Avenue North (their song called "Losing") in a new way. I've heard those songs countless times but lately they've come so alive to me. Something I've known for a while and just was afraid to act on...was the fact that you can SAY you forgave someone. But if you're still thinking and talking about it, even if you're talking to yourself about it (which I talk to myself a lot haha) you haven't fully forgiven that person. Letting it go and forgiving means you dont keep thinking about it, you dont keep holding those things against that person even if its only in your mind. I think so often we assume that it only counts if we actually DO something...but the thoughts are just as important if not more so. Anyway, there was this one thing in particular that I had the hardest time letting go of. And again I lied..I said I'd keep it short so I'll just save some of this stuff for another time, but I had something that had happened to me a while back..that only recently did I start realizing its true effect on me. It's hurt like none other and yet somehow God helped free me and helped me to forgive. I cant tell you how happy and free I feel now. :)
I took a really big step with that and also finally standing up for myself with something and I'm so thankful I did. The rest of the month was basically trusting God with things that made no sense, and he came through. I've been reading my Bible more lately and has been coming alive in my life. :) Also, my Aunt was here for about 2 weeks for Thanksgiving and my sister was able to come as well for a day! Finally caught up now..I hope maybe this helps encourage anyone out there that might read this and just know that God has a purpose for even the most confusing things in life. :) Thanks for your time! 

In all things, I am thankful

So for the month of October, God really had a lot that he showed me and helped me learn! The first week was actually a very difficult one with the loss of my friend and I actually wasn’t able to really think on everything the way I wanted to and let myself grieve. I had so many things going on trying to get ready to take what I had hoped could’ve been my last test before graduation and my mom had been in the hospital with an injured hand. God works in mysterious ways though because with all that happened with losing my friend, my mom being hurt and many other things that happened…I learned that I really need to live my life to the fullest. I cant be living in fear or in the past because when you think about the fact that you might not have another day to live…it really turns your world upside down and you think of everything in a new light. There are things that you used to think mattered that you realize at the end of the day didn’t really matter to the extent that you thought. There was a reason that I wasn’t able to get all the studying in that I wanted and there’s a reason that I didn’t pass that day. I don’t understand everything but I know that God really does have something beautiful in all the things that seem to go wrong. Sometimes things have to go wrong for us to really grasp the lessons that we would never have learned if things had been going right.