The dream

Welp, its been forever since I've updated anything on here so I don't even know where to begin haha. Things have been so busy lately! The past 2 weeks have basically been about having family and friends visit..can't remember if I mentioned this the last I wrote, but found out that my youth pastor of 6 years is leaving and my mentor might be as well. My cousin whom I've grown pretty close to is leaving next month and then the guy I care so much about is leaving in Jan.
My older younger sister has started looking into college and is attempting graduation..so that's had me thinking about my future. I guess I've put off college partially cause I needed a break with all that's been going on, didn't feel ready yet, and then also just didn't think we had the money for it (which we don't). I don't want my parents to feel obligated to pay for it all so I've been trying to save up for myself but eh with the job I have no such luck haha.
One of my cousins has told me that I should really look into some of the missions groups that I've already been a part of>so compassion int. world vision, and ywam have been the main ones. For me, I just feel a special connection to ywam cause i was a part of it in high school with my youth group so I really have been looking into that a lot and the neat thing is that without even really trying that hard, I've been able to find out more about what the guy i like is doing. :) I've always had this desire to go see the world and to really make God and his love known as well as using my other passions (arts etc) to use as the main tool of expressing that. idk if that made sense but that's the gist. :P So far, I've found that ywam would really be the best thing as far as being able to accomplish that dream. I've never really been the type to just stay in the same place my whole life. I've also been looking into community colleges in the area and also seattle area in case i move there..cause that's something I think I'd start with. I don't really have a plan yet but I'm in the learning process and seeing what's next for me.
I also recently went to a concert in the area where I learned a lot about missions and God's love..I might write about that later but it was phenomenal :)
Funny fact:I've been becoming so obsessed with Pride and Prejudice (2005 version) mainly cause Mr Darcy reminds me of the guy I like haha so funny and odd, I know but yeah I love it. I think partly its a story that I feel in some ways we all relate to and its not too unrealistic..which is an important thing when it comes to chick flicks with me haha. It's mainly just been looking up the quotes and pictures since I don't have the movie, but yes I'm a nut. Even have one of the songs downloaded to my mp3 haha.
Oh another thing that I've been doing lately..learning about different countries..my heart is mainly in Europe and Africa since I've been to those places before..so I'm hoping one day I can go there, whether for missions or just a visit. We shall see! anyway that's all :) have a fabulous day!

Week 2!! :)

Welp time for another update! lol. :P Last week was one of the most successful weeks ever, I worked so hard with all of my goals and though I know I could've done so much better I know that it was a start and I got way more done than I thought I could. God is so good and every day he amazes me. It has been such a crazy past week but definitely good. Over the weekend, I was able to get together with a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in a while so it was good. Saturday was mainly filled with studying..and now just really hoping that I can retain everything. Going to retest and see if I have more review on one of the subjects. Did a different subject that is normally problematic for me but did pretty well;more than half the questions right and its been at least a year since I've last studied this so I was really surprised. Anyway, right now I'm thinking that I'm not going to take the test this month since I need at least a week in advance and there's no way I'm going to take the whole thing in one day-7am till 6pm, no way on this green earth. Saturday night my sis wanted me to drive her downtown Portland..the driving part I didn't like but the message at church was great. It was the story of the good Samaritan which I've heard several times, but there was something new that I got from it this time and that's what I love, when I can learn something new from a lesson I've heard multiple times. :) The main keys-learn to forgive someone that you've been holding a grudge against for a long time (or even just at all)point 2 was talking about getting involved in your community to really just serve the people you cross paths with..be willing to get dirty and do things that you normally wouldn't. Point 3 was talking about the importance of just being a friend to the people in your life..cause whether or not you realize it there may be someone who is hurting and you just may be the person God wants to use to save them. So very profound I thought. :) And then Sunday was the day that my dad was preaching at my parent's church and I thought it was a very good message. It was really nice to hear him speak after a couple years since the last time he got to. His message was about the different names of God and was just talking about how God is always going to keep his promises, he has a plan for our lives, and he is going to make something beautiful of our lives. There have been a couple things that happened over the weekend that have just really been having me think more of where I stand with my different beliefs so its been good for me to be sure. One thing I've been thinking about is just what it will take for me to learn how to NOT procrastinate, not make excuses with things, and not live in fear. So thankful I have a wonderful mentor and good friends to help me with that. I've also been asking myself what my main motivation for having a "relationship" with God is. Like is it based off of me only going to him when things aren't going well, or is it based off of the actual love that I have for him. I was thinking of all of the things I'm going to need to take care of before I would be ready for a relationship. I don't think its going to take that long at all, and am really excited to see where things go. One thing I've been struggling with is simply not getting easily frustrated with people. One thing I've realized in the past month is that I get really frustrated especially with guys that try to give me advice. The thing a lot of guys don't know, is that most of the time we simply just want to vent;to have someone listen. We already know what's wrong and we already know what we need to do to make it better. If we need help/want help, we will ask. Most men just go off and give advice and it comes off as them not really respecting us and not really caring about what is going on but always trying to be right and have a remedy to make things better, and its quite annoying actually. I'm not really mentioning this for any specific reason, its just been something my mom and I were talking about and if there are any guys out there that read this, I can guarantee things will go better with you and that special girl if you just try to listen more and instead of just giving advice..maybe ask her if there's any thing she needs help with,there are subtle ways of seeing if she wants advice without just being all up in her face. Anyway that is definitely something I'm thankful for with my brothers, and the man I care for..they don't know that about me I dont think..that I find it annoying when guys simply give advice without really asking, but somehow they just GET me. I think thats something that when especially guys get to know me better, they know how to work things. Anyway, this coming week is going to be interesting for sure. Going to have a lot of studying and so much just in general going on. Still thinking about whether or not it's going to work for me to make my trip work next month but I'm trusting God with that. Timing is everything and I just simply need to wait. Not too much else to say at the moment. Just a couple situations going on that I'm a little worried about but I know better than to fret over things that I don't know that much about. I know things will get better, I just hope its soon haha. Hope everyone is having a fantastic week so far. :)

standing side by side-day 3 :)

Well not even going to talk about yesterday cause not much happened haha. But I am proud to say that I am doing well on my goal. Step one for me was just doing the things I procrastinate about, first that way i don't have to dread it for the rest of the day. Something else that I wish I thought of sooner is just dividing a big goal into little bits. For me that's actually a lot harder than it may sound cause I like to just get something done all at once but it was good for me to separate cause it wasn't so much stress at one time. Got more done that way and just feels so good to know that I'm one step. I just hope that with this one thing-studying for a huge test that will really determine a lot of where I head next in my life...I hope that I can retain it all cause I've been so dead tired the past week..or probably longer. Today was fun at work..I love the different activities we get to do, love the people I work with, and the kids are the greatest!! Got to skype date with a special girl that I've not seen face to face since new years so that was fab and definitely going to chat it up more tomorrow! Something confusing happened yesterday..but it might just be the thing that I need to really just give me time to think. I have no idea what's going on and wish I could go more into detail but with this being a private page i just cant. I will say the thing that was on everyone's mind though-yes it does have to do with my emotions haha but what doesn't honestly. :P hahaha. well finding out that I just need to figure out what I want. I don't want to really rush any of my goals..my future..any part of it at all. Its hard though cause on the one hand there is something that I want right now but I also know that there is something I have to face first before i would be ready for something that big. I know that if I were to move into that realm that it would most likely be more long term than anything I have ever had. I don't want to procrastinate though. :P haa. I think I love someone, but my emotions just keep going back and forth to where I don't really know if its genuine or not so much. I think it is though, this has been going on a while and I love this guy I just think I'm a little scared cause I've never really had a lasting relationship in my life and this guy is so mysterious lol. I just would hate to mess something up but we'll see. That is all for this day haha. :)