Is it Worth It?!

Hi friends!!
It's been one amazing summer, and although we're coming to the last week of it, I know that there are still more incredible experiences and lessons to be learned. :)
This last week has been one of the best in a long time, and definitely really busy!!
On last Sunday, I got to meet up with a brother of mine whom I've not seen since before I went to school last year!! Some common comments I've heard from people since coming home are mainly about how talking with me is so much different since I've changed so much in the last year. So, I wasn't sure what to expect. I know that these comments aren't negative in any way, but it's still nerve wracking to know that you're going to attempt a conversation with people that you've been close to, all the while not even being the same person you were before. I've mentioned in previous posts how I'm pretty sure I've changed more in the last year and a half, than I ever remember changing in such a short time span. My time with my brother was SO so blessed and I'm truly so grateful to have been able to hear his story on what he's been up to the last two years, and to also share mine. It was so wonderful that we were both on the same page in so many areas and that we could actually understand each other. We both agreed that if we had tried to get together any earlier, it wouldn't have been the same. He spoke words into me that I really needed so badly to hear. I will save that story for another post, but it was definitely a night I wont soon forget. :)

Tuesday brought in the start of a new school year. As some of you may know, I am an assistant teacher for a daycare that I've been working at the last 8 years. Since we go with the public school system, we are just now getting back. I wasn't sure what to expect since last year I had a crazy bunch haha! This year, I hadn't even finished introducing myself when one of the little boys came up to me and gave me the biggest hug. His English was barely understandable, but just seeing how grateful and happy he was to have me as a teacher when he didn't even know me, touched me so deeply.

Wednesday was the first day of a woman's Bible study that I'm participating in this fall. I went in just hoping that God would meet me in a new way...not sure what I would learn etc. This is a little out of my comfort zone, since at my 23 years, I'm the youngest in the class with most of the ladies being around my mom's age and also because I have another church of my own. Which means I don't know most of these ladies since they're part of my parent's church. Let me tell you, God totally spoke to me so clearly that night. I honestly thought I was just going cause my mom wanted me to and I thought it would be good to be part of a Bible study group. Little did I think that God would have something personal that applies to me, even though I'm not a mother or wife yet. God continued to amaze me just in the fact that my mom wanted to treat me to Menchies (my favorite frozen yogurt place!) when it just so happened that I had been craving Menchies for the last couple months.

Thursday was the 13 year mark from when the twin towers collapsed, and left our country completely changed, never to be the same. That's when the question that I entitled this post came to mind. Is this life worth it? Are the things we face worth it at all? The fact is, for anyone that has completely surrendered their life to God, it is. But whether or not you believe, what about those hard and/or unexplainable things that pop up from time to time? How can you look around and say that everything is still worth living for? While I wish that I had all the answers and could just help everyone make sense of it all, all I know for sure is that we have a choice. I personally think that it's up to us to decide if life is going to be worth it to us or not. We can let so many things bring us down, and a lot of us have a good reason to be upset. You might have just lost a job, a loved one, or many other things big and small. But do you believe that God actually really does care about all of that? Not because he has to because maybe he's somehow obligated to you since he created you, but because he actually WANTS to?! It doesn't matter if someone looks at an issue you have and say that its not a big deal and that you're silly for stressing or being upset about it. It's important to God. I remember a time when I would've let near anything tear me apart. If one of my friends just left with no reason, I would let it bring me down for weeks. If someone didn't talk to me when I was just trying to be nice, I would think it was because something was wrong with me. The list goes on, but the crazy thing is that in the last 2 years, God has personally shown me that he really does care about me. He doesn't have to...and I always knew that, I just didn't believe it. I want to share more of this in another post as well, but I just want to say that things will only begin to shift, when we truly give it to God. Why does he let bad things happen? It could be that we're not living in God's path. It could be that God just wants to add to our story so that we can reach out to someone else who may not have survived otherwise. Or it could be just a complete attack from the enemy. More on this later, but to get the basic point out...God does allow things, yes. Everything that happens has to go through his fingers first. But the thing we so often forget, is that Him allowing something doesn't mean that he approves of it. It simply means that because he allows free will, he also allows all that goes with that. It doesn't mean that he plays favorites. He has allowed Satan to rule this world for now. God is the ultimate ruler, but for the time being, Satan has the reigns. Doesn't mean that God WANTS the horrible things that take place, to happen. I also don't think that God allows something bad just because its going to help make us stronger. That is part of it, most likely...but God is so much bigger than that. He's not the one that MAKES the bad things happen. That would go against who he is. One short personal thing I want to share before moving on, is that this year God has opened my eyes so much and revealed new things to me. He showed me that often when friends or even family leave us...it's not always our fault. Sometimes with friendships or romantic relationships, he'll try to tell us if it's something bad for us. He's not going to force us though, because he wants us to decide for ourselves. If we truly want His will, he will make it clear. But often if something toxic is allowed to go on for months or even years, it's likely that we didn't listen the times God tried to warn us.  What I saw is that no matter what you do, if someone just walks away...there really wasn't anything you could've done that would make them stay. You can make yourself dizzy thinking about all the possibilities that could've been if you just did things different. But at the end of it all, I really think that if God really has something for you, he's not going to let anything get in the way...not even your imperfections or mistakes. I can look back and say that all the friends and others that have left my life...it might've seemed like rejection at the time, but it was really God's protection. See, when we open our eyes to what God might be doing in and through the events that take place...that's when we start to realize that he is so much more a good and faithful God than we ever realized. I cant explain the horrific things that take place, but I know that God still likes to change hearts and lives and those things that seem like set backs can really be set ups to the biggest most wonderful things that we've ever witnessed.

Friday was such an incredible day cause I finally got to go to a baseball game...and not just a game, but a MARINERS game!! Again, there are so many stories within the little stories I've shared tonight, but let me just say...it was SO amazing to be able to witness a victory for my favorite baseball team!! It was an experience that I will always cherish!!

Lastly, I got to go on a beautiful hike with my family yesterday. Something that I learned is that the way we do hiking can often show little parts of ourselves. What I mean, is that for example, there would be times that I would just look down at the trail and focus on where I was going. I would barely notice the beauty around me and hardly look up to smile at the other fellow hikers. There were other times, where I would just put my sunglasses on even though there would be so much shade that I didn't need them, just because I was so fearful of what others thought. However, the times that I chose to look up and really enjoy the scenery or smile at the people that walked by me, really were the best parts of the journey. It's about really learning and growing as you go along. It's about not getting so caught up in the journey that you fail to love those who are walking it with you. It's about remembering why its important not to quit when it gets rough. With all those things I got to participate in this week, and all the things that I've learned...I really can say that yes, this life and everything in it really IS worth it!!

Be blessed my friends!
Kallayah :)