Since this is my more personal update, I'll share the heart-level things that God has been doing in the last couple days/weeks (however long its been since the last post haha).
Firstly, for those of you who may not have heard yet...we've had to see about 6 student/staff friends go home due to God just leading them elsewhere. This doesn't mean defeat for their lives, it just means that God has something else for them that might be better suited then being on outreach and God will use them just as much there, just differently!! We've really had so much spiritual warfare in the last 2 weeks...well actually since day one but especially lately. I might've said on facebook that some of us have had visa issues, others were sick or fighting emotional battles. The thing that we as a class really started to see more clearly is that 1) when Satan is coming to steal what is rightfully yours, he's not going to do it in a way that's obvious. That's not how he works, he is a sly one. 2) He will ALWAYS attack you in the areas that God is calling you to the most...convincing you that maybe you're not good enough at something or just that it's not for you. 3) He always attacks you where you're the most weak. Why would he attack you in an area that you could care less about?? It sounds obvious but some of us were saying just last week "oh if this other thing was happening to me, then I'd be able to fight it..." Well why do you think the devil is attacking an area that you cant make it without God?? You are a threat to him and you should actually be scared if he ISNT tormenting you cause it means that he doesnt have to worry about you anymore. He literally is terrified of you but he tries to blind us to make us think we have no power. He makes us feel stupid, not good enough...you name it, and stops us right in our tracks and doesnt want us to progress to the future God has. It was just really interesting how personal all of the attacks were. For a friend of mine, it was sickness and she HATES being sick. For me, thankfully I've not had to deal with sickness much and I think its cause even if I was sick, I wouldn't care. I would still fight. But for me, the attacks were mentally and emotionally...my two most sensitive areas. The devil likes to attack areas of progress too...especially when they have a lot of potential and power that God can use for His Glory.
About a week ago, we were doing what we call Plum Line and I think I might've talked about it some, but I really made a lot of break throughs and I was able to cut a soul tie that was haunting me for the longest time. It was so neat cause I've been told here a few times that I would be healed and that the memories of the past would be totally erased. Get this: This friend of mine said she had a vision and that it was of me looking on Google (which I do a lot) and the thing I was searching for kept being denied. The thing I was looking at was my past, and everytime I tried to bring it back, it was denied. This friend of mine said that was God's way of telling me that He is going to erase the memory of the past to the point where I'll think back on it and it wont even hurt or phase me anymore. I wont be able to remember anything. The funny thing about that is that even when I first got here, there were a lot of relationships that were broken and there was a lot of healing that needed to be done. Something I heard is that if you're not healed, you cant help heal. Someone with a broken leg cant help someone else with a broken leg walk. I know that sometimes you wont be fully healed before God asks you to step into something bigger than yourself, but there is also that line where God knows you're ready. Anyway, there have been memories that I was able to forgive myself for. I've started this whole new journey and I really feel that I'm becoming a new person. I heard this before but I know it's truth so much clearer now: The fear, and other negative things...that's not the real you because the real you is found in Christ, and he didnt create you to have fear and the other negative things. You become your truest self the closer you get to God because he's the one that created you. This last week, we were talking about things that we need to break off in our lives and these exercises were meant to help prepare us for outreach and our future lives. Lord willing, these things will really help prepare those of us that God is calling to marriage, for the people that we're meant for.
We focused on breaking off fear and passivity. I knew that I had a lot of fear in my life but I didnt realize I was so passive. I'm going to confess publicly the ones that I struggled with, and if you have any questions about these things or other areas of our lives that we need to break off to be free, please talk to me and I would love to help walk you through it!
FEAR: the fear of punishment=
Fear of failing God, That God will withhold true love and forgiveness, or that he would withhold himself.
Fear of man (insecurity): Thoughts or words of other people, being rejected by those close to me, confrontation. There are others too, but basically the exercise had us go through different areas of fear and confess the sin (living in fear is actually sin because we're not trusting God and we're being controlled by our minds and hearts) of fear, rejecting the lies and rebuking the devil, accepting God's forgiveness and replacing the lies with truth. It's this way for all the different things we break off (going through asking for forgiveness, receiving forgiveness etc).
Passivity: the weird thing about this is that often most of us dont even know that we're being passive and this was something that i thought was more of a problem with men but it was a huge problem for me that I'm finally breaking free of :)
Some things I learned was that passivity is a form of rebellion and is actually a sin (didnt know that before). The first section (Passivity=lack of initiation) had us go through all the areas that we related to so this was what mine were: always waiting for other people to talk to me first instead of starting conversations (though it's not always true it is for the most part). Almost never messaging/calling others first. Taking a while to call/message people back.
Other forms/areas: Letting the feeling of assuming you're unworthy of strong and healthy relationships control you. Resisting leadership roles. Being so familiar with fear and rejection that you just accept it and dont seek God to heal you.
Lies that we believe: If I were really meant to step out, I would have a gut feeling about it.
I will be a failure or rejected if I step out and initiate anything. I really have to admit that I've struggled with these things and that I'm going to be working on getting better with them. I guess I always thought I had reasonable answers for these different things that I did...like justified reasons why I never step out there and a lot of the passivity comes from fear. So now that I've been able to break of these things, I'm trusting God to get me the rest of the way. I just find it so amazing that He knows the very things that I need to be healed from. When I first got here, I was thinking while on the plane over, that I was going to fully focus on all that God had for me while I was here and that I was going to trust God to bring about the healing that I needed in different creative ways. I guess somehow I thought that it was just going to be a Bible course and although it has been, it's been so REAL. Like the Bible has just come alive to me and it's so weird (definitely a God thing) because each and everything that I ever needed healing from has been addressed at some point or another while being here. I have found healing in my relationships with my family. I've been able to forgive myself especially for things I thought I did or deserved that really weren't fully my fault. I was able to let go of the hurt of my past, I'm learning to be confident and I'm going for my dreams. I did several things that I never thought I would've been strong enough for and God still amazes me every day showing me just how strong I really am IN HIM. For those of you who I've distanced myself from or haven't talked to as much as I should've, I just want to apologize because those things were mostly from fear. I'm seeing for the first time that it wasn't fair of me to hold back myself...and essentially hold back love just cause of fear. Real love casts out fear and I knew that before, but this time I'm seeing it in a whole new light. I want to love more and this is one of those ways that God is showing me needs work. I know that was really long but I hope it was really encouraging and that it inspired you somehow!! Thanks again for reading my updates. Blessings! :)
About a week ago, we were doing what we call Plum Line and I think I might've talked about it some, but I really made a lot of break throughs and I was able to cut a soul tie that was haunting me for the longest time. It was so neat cause I've been told here a few times that I would be healed and that the memories of the past would be totally erased. Get this: This friend of mine said she had a vision and that it was of me looking on Google (which I do a lot) and the thing I was searching for kept being denied. The thing I was looking at was my past, and everytime I tried to bring it back, it was denied. This friend of mine said that was God's way of telling me that He is going to erase the memory of the past to the point where I'll think back on it and it wont even hurt or phase me anymore. I wont be able to remember anything. The funny thing about that is that even when I first got here, there were a lot of relationships that were broken and there was a lot of healing that needed to be done. Something I heard is that if you're not healed, you cant help heal. Someone with a broken leg cant help someone else with a broken leg walk. I know that sometimes you wont be fully healed before God asks you to step into something bigger than yourself, but there is also that line where God knows you're ready. Anyway, there have been memories that I was able to forgive myself for. I've started this whole new journey and I really feel that I'm becoming a new person. I heard this before but I know it's truth so much clearer now: The fear, and other negative things...that's not the real you because the real you is found in Christ, and he didnt create you to have fear and the other negative things. You become your truest self the closer you get to God because he's the one that created you. This last week, we were talking about things that we need to break off in our lives and these exercises were meant to help prepare us for outreach and our future lives. Lord willing, these things will really help prepare those of us that God is calling to marriage, for the people that we're meant for.
We focused on breaking off fear and passivity. I knew that I had a lot of fear in my life but I didnt realize I was so passive. I'm going to confess publicly the ones that I struggled with, and if you have any questions about these things or other areas of our lives that we need to break off to be free, please talk to me and I would love to help walk you through it!
FEAR: the fear of punishment=
Fear of failing God, That God will withhold true love and forgiveness, or that he would withhold himself.
Fear of man (insecurity): Thoughts or words of other people, being rejected by those close to me, confrontation. There are others too, but basically the exercise had us go through different areas of fear and confess the sin (living in fear is actually sin because we're not trusting God and we're being controlled by our minds and hearts) of fear, rejecting the lies and rebuking the devil, accepting God's forgiveness and replacing the lies with truth. It's this way for all the different things we break off (going through asking for forgiveness, receiving forgiveness etc).
Passivity: the weird thing about this is that often most of us dont even know that we're being passive and this was something that i thought was more of a problem with men but it was a huge problem for me that I'm finally breaking free of :)
Some things I learned was that passivity is a form of rebellion and is actually a sin (didnt know that before). The first section (Passivity=lack of initiation) had us go through all the areas that we related to so this was what mine were: always waiting for other people to talk to me first instead of starting conversations (though it's not always true it is for the most part). Almost never messaging/calling others first. Taking a while to call/message people back.
Other forms/areas: Letting the feeling of assuming you're unworthy of strong and healthy relationships control you. Resisting leadership roles. Being so familiar with fear and rejection that you just accept it and dont seek God to heal you.
Lies that we believe: If I were really meant to step out, I would have a gut feeling about it.
I will be a failure or rejected if I step out and initiate anything. I really have to admit that I've struggled with these things and that I'm going to be working on getting better with them. I guess I always thought I had reasonable answers for these different things that I did...like justified reasons why I never step out there and a lot of the passivity comes from fear. So now that I've been able to break of these things, I'm trusting God to get me the rest of the way. I just find it so amazing that He knows the very things that I need to be healed from. When I first got here, I was thinking while on the plane over, that I was going to fully focus on all that God had for me while I was here and that I was going to trust God to bring about the healing that I needed in different creative ways. I guess somehow I thought that it was just going to be a Bible course and although it has been, it's been so REAL. Like the Bible has just come alive to me and it's so weird (definitely a God thing) because each and everything that I ever needed healing from has been addressed at some point or another while being here. I have found healing in my relationships with my family. I've been able to forgive myself especially for things I thought I did or deserved that really weren't fully my fault. I was able to let go of the hurt of my past, I'm learning to be confident and I'm going for my dreams. I did several things that I never thought I would've been strong enough for and God still amazes me every day showing me just how strong I really am IN HIM. For those of you who I've distanced myself from or haven't talked to as much as I should've, I just want to apologize because those things were mostly from fear. I'm seeing for the first time that it wasn't fair of me to hold back myself...and essentially hold back love just cause of fear. Real love casts out fear and I knew that before, but this time I'm seeing it in a whole new light. I want to love more and this is one of those ways that God is showing me needs work. I know that was really long but I hope it was really encouraging and that it inspired you somehow!! Thanks again for reading my updates. Blessings! :)
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