A New Beginning, New Promises

Hi everyone! God has been doing some crazy amazing things in my life that I would like to share with you! As the year of 2012 was coming to an end, I had the gift of being able to reminisce over the things that God has taught me throughout the year. The start of the year was a really difficult one for me, because it was around the time that my youth pastor, and my cousin were moving as well as my mentor having to leave. That same month, someone very special to me also had to leave (for school) and since he and I hadn't seen each other in a year and had tried to get together...having all of our get togethers fall through...it was really difficult. I also was struggling with trying to figure out if I was supposed to get closure or find a beginning with someone from my past. My best friend was able to discuss things with me and I got some much needed answers. I decided I was going to play things by ear for about a week to about 3 months, and the funny thing was that as I was praying about it...I didnt even need to wait a day because the very next day I found my answer in something that took place. I took some really difficult steps after that in deciding it was time to move on. I had all the answers I needed, and God so graciously gave me the closure I needed with that one thing from the past that I needed so desperately to move forward from. In all honesty, it killed the first month but then again it wasn't near as hard as I was anticipating because God showed me that the things that he had in store were so much better than I had ever had in the past. I lost a nephew, a friend, and even our bunny around Easter but God helped me grow from those different losses as well. Summer was a time where I learned to face my fears. It was a time when I decided that even though I got closure from a past relationship, that being in contact was poisoning my life and keeping my life on pause. So I took a break for several months from being in contact with that person, and had one of the best summers of my life! It was interesting that with each time I decided to move on from that person in the past...no matter what that involved whether it was deleting all the photos and music I had that either were of us, or reminded me of us, or if it simply meant another day that I didnt talk to him...God always had something better for me to help me see I was doing the right thing. Even better, was that each time I moved further from that person of the past, I was able to move closer to someone that means more to me than my ex ever did. :) I had an amazing 21st...and even though it was a great month..I would have to say that maybe August was my favorite. The reason for that was getting to see my very special man. :) I had thought that he was coming home from being overseas (he actually got to go to the OLYMPICS..can you say JEALOUS! lol) in November and it was only going to be a month. That had me worried because I know how busy that month is for him and his family. But it turned out, that he was able to come home by surprise in August. It was actually a sad reason for him coming home so soon since he was losing a best friend due to a sickness...but I was thankful that he and I were able to see each other cause I was able to attempt to put a smile on his handsome face. I really feel like he and I came a lot closer through the time that he was home, and with each kiss and each cuddle we got to share...I felt like I was home. :) Fall was amazing, I got to see him then as well and was asked to be a bridesmaid for my cousins wedding!! Helping her come up with dance moves for a performance we ladies are going to do!! Also get to help with the music and some decorations! I loved getting to see her and my man! Winter was difficult...my mom and I nearly lost our lives at the Clackamas shooting and I've not set foot in a mall since..and to be honest its not completely because of that, but it does have a little to do with it since every hangout I've had since, I've tried to steer away from any mall. I've grown stronger from it though, and its taught me more the value of life as well as the importance on living a life dedicated to Christ since we dont know when the end will be when He will come back. I did get to see my best friend a few days after the shooting...and especially since it had been 2 years..it was a much needed gift to see her. :D Christmas and New Years were peaceful and yet busy all at once with my sister home from college. Now its a new year, and I know that a lot of you have seen either on facebook or other places that although I'm really scared, I also feel peace and excitement for what's in store! I think one reason that I feel a little scared is because I feel almost certain that there are going to be a lot of big things that take place this year. I'm hoping that the world will still be around (I dont say that because I'm worried about it ending, I'm saying that because I worry a little that God might come back and I know that so many with myself included aren't ready yet), and if it is...there will be a lot of big answers coming my way. I get to start this year with a fresh start...and that's something I forgot to mention, that at the end of the year another thing I was able to do was end things and make peace with a relationship from my past (the same one I mentioned earlier). I am the happiest I've ever been and I feel more myself than I remember feeling even in the beginning of that relationship. I'm learning to love again in a deeper way than the first time...and I honestly think that might be one reason why God lets us make relationship mistakes and go through such heart ache. Some times you cant love as deeply if you've never known what its been like to lose someone. I cant say those words for this man in my life just yet only because I know its not quite time yet...but I believe that those words are a reality for me with him. I care for him more deeply then even my most serious relationship. Truly, nothing compares.  This year has so many beautiful promises and for the first time I'm actually stepping out and going for some dreams that I have! I'm dreaming bigger, loving deeper, and living infinitely MORE than I ever have. This year so far, my man and I got to have a BIG talk that was much needed and although there are still so many obstacles that I'm really scared about, I know that I can trust God and that he has me. I really feel like this will all work out and its one of the best feelings in the world to watch this story unfold. Another thing is that I get to see God create me to be the woman that he wants me to be and I love nothing more than to finally start becoming more that girl that he already is crazy about. I become more my true self when I come closer to God and it's because he was the one that created my personality and my character. Hence, why the farther you are from God, the less your true self you will feel. I'm about to apply for a college that I've been praying about for the last year, I'm about to embark on the next phase of this journey with my special man...and I'm about to discover what God has for me right around the corner. Sometimes the best things, are the things that we cant foresee, because if we knew what was to come..we'd never grow along the way. Sometimes the things we have to wait for, are the best things in our life because God has to make everything about us..about our lives...just so, for it all to come together which makes it more of a miracle when it comes to a reality. You might've heard it said: When God answers YES, He gives you the things you want. When He answers NO, he gives you something better. But when He answers WAIT, He gives you the very best. I'm hoping that's the case here. I'm going to try to blog more often, but if you're a friend on Facebook...keep looking for my "thought of the day" posts that I put up, and every now and then on my Twitter an inspiration. Sometimes on my Google page, I post a "something to think about". Stay in touch, and be blessed! I love you all and hope that this encouraged you somehow! :)