Thee next stepp

Update of the week thus far..here goes hah:
So, there were a lot of things that were bothering me this past week and it was getting to a point where I wasn't really enjoying the week as much as I could've. Part of that did have to do with the fact that I was sick..but something that I was really learning, is that you can NOT base your happiness on your circumstances..ESPECIALLY when those circumstances aren't really fully understood. I was able to start and finish getting caught up on my favorite show..the Bachelor..ya I'm a nut, what can I say!! I like it a lot though, not just cause you get to see the start and finish of a couple's love story..but because there are so many things that can be learned if you're looking. I was noticing how a lot of the girls were basing their happiness on whether or not they "got a date from Ben" and if they didn't, they were beyond pissed and they would bring everyone down along with them and it was one of those things where if I don't get a date you can't either. And then if they did get a date with him, they were on cloud 9 and would wave their success around in the other girl's face. It's funny when you watch it cause you'd never do that..or would you?? So I was just thinking if I were in their shoes would I be just as jealous..would I only be happy if things were going how I wanted, and that is when I realized that I had more thinking to do (as if I don't think enough but you know what I mean lol). I saw the importance of knowing who you are and being secure in that, and that even though some of the girls were going home..it wasn't cause there was something wrong with them and they (some) knew that..it was just cause they weren't right. I like how straight to the point the convos are and such..no beating around the bush persay. I'm sure there are a lot of other things that I've been learning..but just watching the different girls and their attitude towards life and just how the things that Ben (the Bachelor hah) is looking for.. a lot of people just in general look for those things too. You have to know who you are, be confident, but you also have to have good character cause if you don't..sooner or later your true colors are going to shine through and you're going to be like what did I do wrong, and never figure it out.
Anyway..I was mainly just upset about things that I didnt' really understand fully. I honestly can't write in too much detail the situations that were going on..since for now I don't even know how things are going to play out and I want to respect the people that it pertains to. But as always..I have THEE best BEST Friend ever and she, along with 2 other good friends of mine were sharing some advice on how I should handle things and I found it really helpful. The funny thing is that 2 of them don't really know any of what is going on and their advice came from their honest opinion from being on the outside of the situation. My best friend I think really gave me the most clarity and I love that I can tell her anything..everything and she always gets me. She has definitely been helping me walk in the right direction and I honestly believe that I'm becoming the best person I can be..thanks to God working in her! <3
I have this idea for the next 2 weeks..the goal I have is to actually make the changes that I know I need to make. To really stop putting it off. I know that there are certain things that I'm not ready for yet and I want to take the time and really take seriously the prep that I need to be doing. For the first time in forever, I finally feel like I have some wind under my wings and that I'm actually learning how to soar and I couldn't be happier. I know that the circumstances haven't changed at all and maybe they won't for a while but I want to have a better attitude about everything, and I really want to start putting myself out there cause I know that even though lately I have been pouring out a lot more..there is so much more that i have to offer! I know that I can do better and I know that I've not been giving life my 110%..in such a long time. It feels so good to be going back to the roots of when I was about 16. I never really shared my story I don't think..but honestly, back then I really feel like when I look back..I had it made. I was so close to God, I knew who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. I didn't let people get me down, and I had such a vibrancy for life. I was my own person and I think that was what helped the love that I found that summer...last for so long. Given..it wasn't perfect, i was so young..but just having those roots have really helped inspire me for the woman that I'm blooming into. Instead of predicting when I think I'm going to break out and finally be that woman..I'm just taking it one day, one week, and one month at a time and though I would love for everything to be so much more complete around summer..I want to enjoy this journey for what it is and not be so overwhelmed trying to figure out what the destination is going to be cause I know that it's going to be so much more amazing and far more worth it than I could ever comprehend right now! In the area of love..I am going to honestly say, I don't really know yet what I want. I know that I have some things to work with that might take a lot of time..might not take as much time as I may think. But as corny as this may sound..I want this to maybe be the year that things start coming together in that compartment for me, and I would love nothing more than to have a real summer love this year. If it's with the one that it was before that would be fab but if not then I know that everything happens for a reason and I'm not going to worry about something that is yet far in the distance still. It's so crazy cause in that area and just in my life in general..I've been discovering so much about myself and I'm telling you..that when that day comes, the day when I finally feel ready for the next phase of my life..I'm going to be unstoppable and going to be the most beautiful thing that people have seen cause they will know where I've been and what it took to be where I will be on that day. I have ideas..for what I want that day to look like, but the biggest thing right now is letting go of the fear and trusting that God is going to lead me where he wants me to be. I really want to make the most of this week and next and honestly anything is possible. Not sure if my rambling made much sense haha but I hope maybe it helped give clarity to someone. :)
Now its time to go off and do my assignments that my best friend gave me so that she and I can have our meeting tomorrow and move on to the next step. Looking forward to brighter and better things and really hoping that everything works out in a way that I will adjust to and be happier than I'd be any other way. :) Night, my friends! <3