Yikes I cant believe how long it's been since the last time I wrote!! Things have been getting so busy lately because we've been starting to put the actual production together. First, it was mainly just skill training (where we learn a different style of dance every day from 1-3pm) and then the specified dances that we were put in (for me it was Hula, and group dance). Now instead, we work through the production (all the dances and acting etc) from 1-5pm. We've had singing classes on Monday nights and then other things. I'm so thankful and excited that some of you have watched our live streaming on Thursday nights...now you've gotten to see a little bit of what my school is like!! If you get the chance, you should read these passages (they are some of the many scriptures that have really been impacting me this month!) : Isaiah chapter 51, and Psalm 139 :)
There are so many things that I want to share, that I'm going to leave out the things that I'm going to share in the general blog...and I'll share the more vulnerable things on here. :)
So something that I decided around the time that I last wrote an update, was that I want to really see this as a honeymoon that I'm having with God. It's so easy to see Him as my father, my friend...but to let him really truly be my LOVER is another thing. Something that I've been realizing more lately is that even though I know in my head that God loves me, I just haven't really let it sink in and let myself fully believe it yet. I know that something else I learned this past month and just the time that I've been here in general, is that the more you understand God's love for you, the more you'll be able to love others. I kind of was a little skeptical when I heard that cause I was like uhm yeah I dont know if that's going to work for me cause I dont know how much more I can try to understand God's love for me. But let me tell you, God has been just blowing my mind!! From seemingly small things like letting me see dolphins (I think I mentioned in the last post that it was a childhood dream of mine to be able to see dolphins), getting to watch my favorite Chick Flick...and then bigger things like nudging me to accept love from friends; yeah, he amazes me everytime. You only think you have God figured out when you're living in a place of ignorance. I dont mean that in a negative way...I just mean that for you to think you have him figured out, is to think that he is a limited God and you're basically shutting yourself off to the other obvious things that God is using to reveal himself. I know that I've been ignorant for a long time...but when you open yourself up to him showing more of who he is to you...he will take you up on that offer and you will never be the same and it will be the best kind of scary you could ever experience. :)
So little fun things that happened since the last blog post...I got to skype my best friend Missy!! Not only once, but twice too!! :) I always get to talk to her at the right time and she always knows what to say, I love it. There was this amazing prayer time a week or so ago for the intercession part of our class and although we were praying for an injustice issue in Africa, it ended up being something where all the guys that were around us women started praying for us that we would start to see ourselves the way God intended, cause if we dont see ourselves with the beauty that God gave us, then we're not going to be able to fight the injustice issues that are against women in other countries as effectively. We cant expose lies if we're believing them for ourselves.
So last week was Holy Spirit week and we learned so many things that I never knew! I feel like that's kind of saying a lot since I've been a christian since forever (18 years..19 in October) The main thing that I wanted to share is how our speaker that week encouraged us to accept all the parts of God...even the ones that we're not that comfortable with. Sometimes God needs to offend our minds to reveal what's in our hearts...so true!! The thing that I wasn't comfortable is the area of manifestation...basically when people are so filled with the Holy Spirit that they are able to speak in tongues or fall over...cry or laugh uncontrollably. Let me tell you,it was probably the weirdest thing I've seen in person and experienced but totally amazing. I learned a lot more about who God is and how he works (and of course we cant ever know fully, but I learned more than I knew before). :) We learned about prophecy and the different forms of gifting it comes in. Our speaker prophesied over all of us either in class or separately and honestly it was a huge answer to prayer. I wasn't really sure what to expect since I had never been prophesied over before but I really feel like God used our speaker to kind of help me see where God might be leading me in the future and I'm so excited!! Something that I've kept hearing is that God wants us to have fun with him. He doesnt just want the moments where we pray to him, sing at church, or only read our Bibles. Although he does want those things too, he wants us to just crave to BE with him. He wants us to have fun with him. Anything we do, we can do with God...something as small as throwing rocks, or if you like to drive around etc...just do it with God chillin with ya. :) I've been learning a lot more about myself lately about the woman that God is turning me into and I have to admit that I really feel like he is using DTS to prepare me for marriage (Lord willing). It's so weird how the smallest things can be used for those preparation moments.
There were several cool things that I felt like God was trying to show me in the craziest ways (songs, movies, things friends say). I actually have another story to tell on that, that I wanted to share with you all so I'm just going to make a separate blog for it ha. :P
Monday, May 27, 2013
Monday, May 13, 2013
Dreams come to life
Hi my friends!! I have to try (wink, wink) to keep this really short but I just wanted to give a quick update on all the things that have been going on since the last time I wrote! We're (my class) still not sure when we're going to leave for South Africa cause we've not gotten the tickets yet and then we also are still trying to get things together for LA since we think we have most of the locations that we'd perform all figured out, but still trying to get the info on where we'd be able to stay. Please be praying for us in those areas! Also, I just found out that we're going to have to put in a $3,500 deposit by this coming week otherwise we're either going to have to buy our tickets ourselves which will cost more, or not be able to go. Please be praying in this area for me as well since I really dont know whether God wants me to go now or maybe wait. I'm really at peace with all of this because if I do have to go home, I know that I've learned a lot and I know that I can have something to take home with me. If I do get to stay and go to outreach, it's going to be amazing but really hard since I'm already having home sickness. It's not really bad at this point and I think that its mainly because I'm so busy that it keeps my mind off the fact that I miss everyone so much. However, there are random times where it will just hit me out of the blue.
Before I go, I wanted to share with you just how amazing God has been to be every day. I want to share with you what happened yesterday because I really feel like God showed me so much about himself. Just when you think you have God all figured out, he blows your mind! So, my class went to the beach for the day and that was just amazing in and of itself. It was a resort beach though so it made it even better. I have this fear of deep water and being in the ocean, and yet God gave me my courage and I had the time of my life! I experienced him even in the sense of taste, because the bbq that we had was simply out of this world. I experienced Him when I got to see dolphins in the afternoon! We went to a really fancy hotel but little did I know there would be dolphins there! For those of you who dont know, this is something that I dreamed of since I was little. I would've been happy just seeing them jump in the distance but I got to see them within a couple feet! To top the night off, I got to watch the movie Pride and Prejudice with some awesome friends!! It just proves to show that God really does care about the little things in your life and he will go out of his way sometimes just to show you how much he loves you. This is really big for me because I always knew in my head that he loved me but had a hard time believing that in my heart. This honeymoon with God has been incredible. I will try to write more soon and I'm sorry that I've been so scatterbrained lately. I never remember what I have or haven't shared and I will try to be more on top of that. I want to share about what I've learned and such so I'll do that here soon if I can. Thank you all for praying. My friend with the bad rash and swelling is getting better, thank you!! If you have any questions or thoughts, please let me know! Also, I do still need to raise a lot of money if I'm going to Africa so please pray and if you'd like to support me, please contact me! Love and blessings...and a very Happy Mother's day to all the amazing moms out there! We really wouldn't be where we are today if it werent for you!! Thank you for teaching us how to give and receive love. You have the amazing gift of helping human beings learn what it means to love...whether or not you may know that!! Love you all! :)
Before I go, I wanted to share with you just how amazing God has been to be every day. I want to share with you what happened yesterday because I really feel like God showed me so much about himself. Just when you think you have God all figured out, he blows your mind! So, my class went to the beach for the day and that was just amazing in and of itself. It was a resort beach though so it made it even better. I have this fear of deep water and being in the ocean, and yet God gave me my courage and I had the time of my life! I experienced him even in the sense of taste, because the bbq that we had was simply out of this world. I experienced Him when I got to see dolphins in the afternoon! We went to a really fancy hotel but little did I know there would be dolphins there! For those of you who dont know, this is something that I dreamed of since I was little. I would've been happy just seeing them jump in the distance but I got to see them within a couple feet! To top the night off, I got to watch the movie Pride and Prejudice with some awesome friends!! It just proves to show that God really does care about the little things in your life and he will go out of his way sometimes just to show you how much he loves you. This is really big for me because I always knew in my head that he loved me but had a hard time believing that in my heart. This honeymoon with God has been incredible. I will try to write more soon and I'm sorry that I've been so scatterbrained lately. I never remember what I have or haven't shared and I will try to be more on top of that. I want to share about what I've learned and such so I'll do that here soon if I can. Thank you all for praying. My friend with the bad rash and swelling is getting better, thank you!! If you have any questions or thoughts, please let me know! Also, I do still need to raise a lot of money if I'm going to Africa so please pray and if you'd like to support me, please contact me! Love and blessings...and a very Happy Mother's day to all the amazing moms out there! We really wouldn't be where we are today if it werent for you!! Thank you for teaching us how to give and receive love. You have the amazing gift of helping human beings learn what it means to love...whether or not you may know that!! Love you all! :)
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Watching and waiting, Looking above...
Hi everyone!! I hope that this post finds you all doing well! I know that I've mentioned this a few times, but I'm going to try my best to write an update letter on what the last month has been like hopefully here soon. My schedule has been crazy busy with waking up at 5am to go to work and then coming home 7pm and just crashing and falling asleep right off the bat to repeat the same thing the next day haha. I guess this is normal for YWAMers, but I'm starting to get a big blur of weeks...aka I dont remember whether some of the things I THINK took place this week actually did happen this week or if it was a mix of other weeks haha. :P
This was corporate week and there are going to be some general things that I save for the other blog...but for this one (the more personal one) I want to share some other things. :)
In all truth, I've been struggling this week a bit although there were things that got a lot better. I'm a little worried about my family but I've had several amazing people reminding me that God has my family in His hands just like I'm in His hands, and he's going to provide for them no question!! I think its not really whether or not God will provide that I worry about. It's my parents feelings and thoughts that I worry for because I know they're going through such a hard time. There are other personal things that I cant really talk about publicly at all for a little bit which makes it harder cause I want to just talk openly about everything and I cant. There are only a few select people that know what's going on and even with some of them I cant give all the details. I know that I dont want to forget the things that I've learned this last week. In the general blog I'm going to try to be more specific about the lessons. It's been difficult to find the time during the week to just figure out how I want to apply these things. One of the speakers from a few weeks ago was saying that in this DTS you're not going to be able to work on everything at the same time. Just pick on the ones that you really feel after praying, God wants you to focus more on. So anyway, there are just so many things that I feel God is saying to me this week and I want to share something really radical that might sound like a no brainer! God is so much MORE than I ever even thought. It's weird because I think that even though I knew there are so many things I dont know about God and my faith yet, I was pretty certain I had heard most of it. But boy was I ever wrong and so thankful for that! Who wants a God that you can figure out? I never even try to figure God out because he surprises me every time and I think the really big thing that I'm learning especially this week, is that God really DOES care about the small things! I think/hope I got the emotional stuff worked out but I feel really alone even with all the people I'm around. It's weird because there was a part where we were talking about a romantic forever kind of love today in class, and it just confirmed to me something I thought I knew but am becoming more certain of. There is someone that I dont like saying bye to. I know that most likely I will see that person again but its weird after seeing them around pretty much every day for the last month and then all of a sudden they're gone...there was such an emptiness that I felt today cause I knew that I wouldn't be turning the corner to see that person there. Ugh the next few months really are going to be long but so worth it in so many ways! I am very thankful to be here. I think something though is that the devil is really messing with my mind because there have been confusing things going on in my school and although I dont really have a problem with what has been decided, it kind of makes me wonder why I am here. Not in the way that I regret coming cause that's farther from the truth but for a split second I was thinking..I'm not doing much, I wouldn't really be missed if I was gone. Not like emotionally, but spiritually I just feel I'm not really doing all that much. I know its a lie and that I need to get that out of my head but its like all the things I wanted to strive for while being here, are kind of being taken out of my reach but I'm not giving up! I think something that maybe God spoke to me through a conversation with a friend...is that maybe the reason I'm not doing all the things I wanted to do is because God wants me to see that sometimes behind the scene is just as important if not more so, than the actual performance. I think he wants me to see that I have to be good at those small things first before I can really be good up front. I think another thing he has been showing me is that maybe I'm being put in these positions to grow my character as well as maybe just that God has a future in these areas for these other people and that they need the experience, whereas with me God might have something different. It's an amazing school and I'm growing so much but I cant help but feel that I'm not going to do the 2 year term unless it would be a few years down the road which I think would only happen if I was married and that was the road my future husband and I saw. Dont get me wrong, I'm not waiting to get married to decide if I come back. I'm just saying that might be the thing that would bring me back but who knows..just God. :) So anyway I think I have new insight, that yes I want to learn these skills but maybe that's not why I'm here so much. Maybe I'm mostly here because God has a lot he wants to say to me in lecture phase and he wants to shape me through outreach when I'm serving him. It's going to prepare me somehow I think for whatever is next. I feel confused though because yesterday in class (the few hundred of us from DTS) we were asked to stand if we felt that God was calling us to a specific country and I honestly didnt feel that. I think its because maybe God isn't calling me to just one, and I think too that it might be a little further down the road. I dont know, its really weird because nothing is clear and all I know is that I feel that I could be going back home in October, but that he's not going to reveal different things till the right time. Ahh so many things on my mind, but definitely going to process them more some other time. :P Thanks for joining me as I'm learning more of the woman God is shaping me to be!!
This was corporate week and there are going to be some general things that I save for the other blog...but for this one (the more personal one) I want to share some other things. :)
In all truth, I've been struggling this week a bit although there were things that got a lot better. I'm a little worried about my family but I've had several amazing people reminding me that God has my family in His hands just like I'm in His hands, and he's going to provide for them no question!! I think its not really whether or not God will provide that I worry about. It's my parents feelings and thoughts that I worry for because I know they're going through such a hard time. There are other personal things that I cant really talk about publicly at all for a little bit which makes it harder cause I want to just talk openly about everything and I cant. There are only a few select people that know what's going on and even with some of them I cant give all the details. I know that I dont want to forget the things that I've learned this last week. In the general blog I'm going to try to be more specific about the lessons. It's been difficult to find the time during the week to just figure out how I want to apply these things. One of the speakers from a few weeks ago was saying that in this DTS you're not going to be able to work on everything at the same time. Just pick on the ones that you really feel after praying, God wants you to focus more on. So anyway, there are just so many things that I feel God is saying to me this week and I want to share something really radical that might sound like a no brainer! God is so much MORE than I ever even thought. It's weird because I think that even though I knew there are so many things I dont know about God and my faith yet, I was pretty certain I had heard most of it. But boy was I ever wrong and so thankful for that! Who wants a God that you can figure out? I never even try to figure God out because he surprises me every time and I think the really big thing that I'm learning especially this week, is that God really DOES care about the small things! I think/hope I got the emotional stuff worked out but I feel really alone even with all the people I'm around. It's weird because there was a part where we were talking about a romantic forever kind of love today in class, and it just confirmed to me something I thought I knew but am becoming more certain of. There is someone that I dont like saying bye to. I know that most likely I will see that person again but its weird after seeing them around pretty much every day for the last month and then all of a sudden they're gone...there was such an emptiness that I felt today cause I knew that I wouldn't be turning the corner to see that person there. Ugh the next few months really are going to be long but so worth it in so many ways! I am very thankful to be here. I think something though is that the devil is really messing with my mind because there have been confusing things going on in my school and although I dont really have a problem with what has been decided, it kind of makes me wonder why I am here. Not in the way that I regret coming cause that's farther from the truth but for a split second I was thinking..I'm not doing much, I wouldn't really be missed if I was gone. Not like emotionally, but spiritually I just feel I'm not really doing all that much. I know its a lie and that I need to get that out of my head but its like all the things I wanted to strive for while being here, are kind of being taken out of my reach but I'm not giving up! I think something that maybe God spoke to me through a conversation with a friend...is that maybe the reason I'm not doing all the things I wanted to do is because God wants me to see that sometimes behind the scene is just as important if not more so, than the actual performance. I think he wants me to see that I have to be good at those small things first before I can really be good up front. I think another thing he has been showing me is that maybe I'm being put in these positions to grow my character as well as maybe just that God has a future in these areas for these other people and that they need the experience, whereas with me God might have something different. It's an amazing school and I'm growing so much but I cant help but feel that I'm not going to do the 2 year term unless it would be a few years down the road which I think would only happen if I was married and that was the road my future husband and I saw. Dont get me wrong, I'm not waiting to get married to decide if I come back. I'm just saying that might be the thing that would bring me back but who knows..just God. :) So anyway I think I have new insight, that yes I want to learn these skills but maybe that's not why I'm here so much. Maybe I'm mostly here because God has a lot he wants to say to me in lecture phase and he wants to shape me through outreach when I'm serving him. It's going to prepare me somehow I think for whatever is next. I feel confused though because yesterday in class (the few hundred of us from DTS) we were asked to stand if we felt that God was calling us to a specific country and I honestly didnt feel that. I think its because maybe God isn't calling me to just one, and I think too that it might be a little further down the road. I dont know, its really weird because nothing is clear and all I know is that I feel that I could be going back home in October, but that he's not going to reveal different things till the right time. Ahh so many things on my mind, but definitely going to process them more some other time. :P Thanks for joining me as I'm learning more of the woman God is shaping me to be!!
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