it can make you stronger!!

I'm so excited that in less than a day, it will be the Mission ConneXion! I have been waiting a long time for this, and the last time that I went was about 2 years ago! It's weird cause all the other times that I've gone to a mission event like this..I think it was mainly just something to do with my youth group and a way to hangout with my friends and I don't think that my heart was in all of what the different speakers were saying. I think for me, missions was one of 2 things: you are basically going over seas to tell people about Jesus and then you try to translate bible in their language and then you help plant churches. and yes, all of that is needed but it just never really clicked with my heart. And then the last time that I was there, there was this Art workshop and the speaker was talking about how there are organizations where you can use your heart to still make a difference and tell others about God..and actually love what you do! So that got me really excited and then I dont know what it is, but this is just where I feel like God is pulling me right now and I don't know what it means. I know what I hope it will mean..but I want to know that this is something that God has for me and not just something that I think he wants for me..if that makes sense? Like I want to know that I'm not just doing this to be closer to anyone or whatever it would be that I would be doing this for. I don't think I would do something that crazy though..I want to really live out my dreams and right now I think this is the dream I have. But yeah anyway, I'm really excited to see what all God might show me tomorrow! so far not sure if any or many of my friends are going but I'm going either way..and I know that in all things, God uses everything in our lives to make us stronger in him, and to make a difference in the lives of the people that we come in contact with every day! So many other things on my mind like usual haha but yes this could be a good weekend and definitely hope to have some amazing updates when I come back from the weekend! Hope everyone is having a great night!:)

Smile because it happened...

SO!I know its been a while that I've posted anything so I thought I'd post some updates haha. Definitely been a long week or 2! So 2 Sundays ish ago..I was supposed to see someone very dear to me but it didn't work out..and its going to be quite a while before I see him so it was pretty disappointing but I know that God has his reasons for everything and sometimes we're not ready yet for things that God has for us later on in the future and so we need more time to prepare! The good part to the situation was that I was able to see my youth pastor one last time before he moved to Olympia..and I'm so very glad that I was blessed in that way! It was a lot harder than I was expecting..its one of those things where you know what's coming but you aren't prepared even if you had a lot of time to compose your thoughts and such. Definitely a bittersweet day but I know that everything will be alright..God has big things planned for all my loved ones that are moving, and also plans for my life as well and at the end of all of this..for some situations there will be longer periods of time in between seeing each people..but it will be beautiful all on its own, in it's unique way. My best friend has always been there for me through the thick and thin and I'm so thankful that I have her in my life. :) She kept me sane through the week!! Definitely wanted to keep busy and even though there were days that were hard and it didn't seem that I kept that busy..the first week is now over!
I was thinking of something earlier..not just in this area but just in general..how love isn't really and truly love unless there is a challenge to it. Anyone can love someone that is nice to you..or when things are easy. Only a strong person can hang on when the going gets rough..and only a strong person chooses to love the unlovable..and I'm afraid that this week there were at least 2 times where I really fell short from that and definitely is something that I want to work on.
I've also been thinking a lot about where I might feel God calling me right now and it's a bit scary..because I feel as though unlike so many other times..God doesn't want me to know yet what the next step is. He just wants me to do the things that I know I'm supposed to do now, and he will meet me at point B when the timing is right. I just get so impatient while I see everyone else starting their lives, living their dreams and yet I still feel stuck in the same place and feel as though I'm supposed to wait..I just feel like I'm wasting time! I sometimes want to fast forward so I can see how everything turns out..so I know whether or not I'm making the right choices, going in the right direction..and whether or not I'm investing my time and emotions in the right places and with the right people..
This coming week I think is going to be a good one!! Thinking of going to bed really early tonight so I can get a early start tomorrow with all that I have to do; I have major studying to do!! And then Tuesday is work..and a date with the best friend! Wed is actually the only free day..but after that I think my weekend starts..going to be a busy one! Thursday I'm thinking of trying the college group with my old church since its been a while that I've been a part of a small group now that my mentor is gone..and also Friday and Sat I think are going to be quite exciting days cause its going to be the mission conference! Hoping that I can go both days, but definitely excited to see what God might show me and if he stirs my heart with something! I dont really know why..but I just have this fascination with missions in the past couple months! Maybe its that so many people I know are heading out doing missions..but I think its more than that. I think my heart is waking up and realizing that there is so much out there that I never even realized! It's a bit odd cause my whole life I've wanted to use my passions--i.e. art..and make a difference in the world for God..and make him known, share his love with as many people possible..and do missions. I always feared that maybe I would just stay in the same town my whole life..that I would just do mission stuff with my church and that I would just do art locally. But then I found something that my old youth group inspired me with..I know I've talked about it before but I've definitely been looking into YWAM and other ministries that have the combinations that I'm looking for. I've always dreamed of something larger than what I just shared..staying in the same place. Dont get me wrong though, if this is where God wants me for the rest of my life I know that he will work everything out and shift my desires to be more of what he wants. I just really never let my heart open up to the idea of something bigger..I have always wanted to travel the world more..never like staying in the same place for too long..and I've always wanted to use my passions TO make a difference..not just do the 2 (missions and art) separately. I don't even know how I might do this yet..I don't know if it will work out but that is what I want this year to be about..finding out how far these dreams can go. Maybe I dont have the money or other means of making this happen but that has never stopped those who are truly following God so I want to take a step of faith and just see where God is leading me, and that is a lot of why i want to go to this mission conference this next weekend! Most of the times that I used to go in previous years (the last time I went was when I was still in highschool..actually right after graduation)..I would mainly just go cause my youth group was going. I never thought that I'd go do missions..though I wanted to make God known..I realize now that a lot of that was because I was scared and had a lack of knowledge. I was scared to go somewhere that I've not been in forever (aka africa, europe are the main places I went that I feel like I'd love to see again) and I didn't realize that missions was more than just translating bible's in other people's language. There was this one class I went to one year at the mission conference and it was talking about how God instills the desire to be artistic for a reason..and that we CAN use those desires to make a difference and that just excited me like you wouldn't believe. Honestly..I think it would be the best of both worlds if I could do art and missions together. Everything is still unclear though but I know that God is putting the pieces together and that he's setting up the stage for his drama! :) Anyway..I just thought I'd share that..oh and something also that I wanted to mention..I think I'm totally better from the thing that was wrong with me!! :)
Night all..love each and every one of you!

Don't cry because it's over..

This has been one of the longest days in a long time. It was one of those feelings that I knew what was happening but everything was in slow motion and my heart wouldn't let me believe it. Sometimes I wonder whether or not I have the strength to endure all that's going on. Will this actually be a good year or am I just a fool to even hope for that? Well, like I've mentioned before..its all about the heart you have..the attitude and what you make of the situations you face..not the things that actually happen to you. Yeah this year is getting off to kinda rough patch but you know what? its not going to kill me; its going to make me stronger. God knows that I can handle this and he wouldn't allow anything that he didn't think he couldn't get me through. It's going to be a long tear-filled night, but those tears aren't always a bad thing. Sometimes its good to know that you're still alive and that you actually cared about something. It's not the end..its just good bye for now. It's not being ignorant to the situations that are going on, its being hopeful that God has something bigger going on behind the scenes than we can ever comprehend. So many partings this month but its not really these people leaving me..its God placing them somewhere else because they're going to make a difference..maybe more than what they've made here..somewhere else. I would never want to rob the world of something beautiful that these wonderful people have to offer. I smile through the tears because I know that something amazing is about to happen..and I know that God is going to rock each and every one of these people's lives like they..or I could never even imagine. I'm not going to pretend that this doesn't hurt..but I'm also not going to let it get me down cause someday..I'll be able to look back and be like "this is why God let this happen, and I would never trade it for anything in the world because I wouldn't be the woman I am today without that experience" I hope that maybe this encourages someone..and that together, we can make this world a family..